A Kind of Magic
by Rizember
Summary: Sex magic is the most powerful and most addictive kind of magic there is. But Sasuke, that repressed emo bastard, just keeps trying to get rid of the hot blond genie. And his goat. Sasunaru, yaoi, humour
1. Magic is real, you idiot

**A Kind of Magic**

by Rizember

**Xo-oX**

**Summary**: A genie freed from an iPod shuffle, an emo raven, a pending sexual contract and a goat…all unwilling partners in the most unlikely of adventures. SasuNaru

**Xo-oX**

**Chapter 1: ****Magic is real, you idiot**

**Xo-oX**

**Disclaimer: **yadee yadaa, I own naddaa...

**Xo-oX**

Life is an enigma.

A god picks his nose and somewhere across the universe, a guy walks into a pole...

A butterfly flaps its wings and somewhere across the world, a hurricane hits...

The ways of the world are not to be questioned as every inconsequential thing tends to change the events of one's life.

The simple decision to go right instead of left at the junction and thus avoiding traffic; the trivial choice of stopping for a coffee and missing the fruit cart accident by seconds; the necessary wearing of a baseball cap to avoid fangirls...

Every choice has its consequence and for every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction. This is one of the very basics of Physics _and _the universe and proves **one thing**:

The universe is a bitch.

And so is physics.

**(I am a blanket page break. I'm fluffeh)**

The raven walking down the street wasn't oblivious to the gazes, whispers and outright gawks thrown his way.

The people watched the attractive, young man with the pale skin, strangely styled dark hair and even darker eyes walk past them like they didn't exist. And to him, they didn't.

Years of building immunity to people and social situations had taught Sasuke Uchiha that ignoring people can make them go away...in theory...or in his head. Either way, those years were paying off and the crowded street was as good as empty as far as he was concerned.

The roll of stores were lively and loud, all filled with people rushing in and out, bumping into each other and whistling for cabs. Even though the street was crowded, Sasuke found that none of them bumped into him even once. They'd rather stumble and push against each other than get too near him. To alot of them, he was like a work of art; meant to be seen from behind the security tape...mostly because his self-defense skills were legendary.

The Uchiha made his way into the only store he ever went into unarmed; Sounds.

The blast of music that almost threw him back out into the street was quite welcome…in fact, he figured he really needed to get one of those giant systems just so he could see his parents fly out the room whenever they went into his room uninvited.

The saleslady waved at him, her brown eyes warm as she hastily handed a customer his purchase and beckoned Sasuke over.

Tenten Sayuri was a pretty brunette with her hair usually styled atop her head in tight buns. She had shared a few classes with Sasuke when they'd both taken an IT class their college had said was mandatory. Tenten was an intelligent pre-law student and Sasuke had always secretly enjoyed the fact that she never treated him like other girls did. In fact, on several occasions, Sasuke had been graced with a few of her crude remarks that openly insulted his train of thought and wondered loudly if his brain was as useful an organ as his appendix.

"Hey! How've you been?" She shouted.

Turning the music down was never an option in Sounds. The one time Tenten had actually tried to turn it down, a SWAT team had broken down the doors and charged in, yelling about how they should all stay calm and that they had the hostage situation under control... Needless to say, the store had never been hushed down again.

Sasuke glanced briefly at her as he passed the counter.

"Hn."

Tenten rolled her eyes at that and left him to browse.

Sasuke stifled a yawn as he eyed the rows of CDs. Life was just _that _boring. He was well into his second semester of college, pre-med, and he _still _couldn't be bothered with gathering himself a social life.

He'd left school and his rambunctious roommate/best friend to come home for s relaxing weekend. So far, it had been about twice as relaxing as a motor rally show. Especially since he'd found out that his brother had picked that same weekend to come home too.

Sasuke walked over to the rock section, which was actually the _only _section in Sounds and began his browsing ritual.

Glance. Curious. Pick. Check. Yawn. Put down. Glance...

It was a timeless ritual.

Three Doors Down, Good Charlotte, Green Day…

He picked up a Nickelback CD and decided to call it a day. He could usually go for hours in there, just flipping through discs, sampling whatever caught his fancy...but he didn't feel up to staying more than ten minutes that particular day.

Sasuke walked toward the counter, glancing briefly at the list of songs.

Tenten smirked condescendingly at him as she wrapped up his CD, "Thought you already got this."

He didn't answer.

She sighed and wrapped it up for him, smirking with amusement when he turned to leave.

As he touched to door, the alarm went off-

-and it was really, _really _loud.

**'CONGRATULATIONS. Please return to the counter. CONGRATULATIONS. Please return to-'**

Sasuke turned and threw a questioning glance back at Tenten.

He was sure he'd paid for everything and was a tad bit creeped out by the mechanical voice telling him '_congratulations_' like he'd won the 'worst thief' awards or something.

Tenten seemed to brace herself before she moved away from the counter and turned off the music.

That in itself should have sent off the warning lights in Sasuke's head but all they did was flicker on and go off almost immediately.

Every customer in there stared at each other in the silence…

It was _amazing_.

They were sure the last time the store had been _silent_had been when it was part of an empty block of buildings...just the young brainchild of an architect somewhere.

"Congratulations," Tenten stated calmly -patronisingly- as if knowing excitement might just scare the Uchiha off.

Sasuke openly glared at her. He wasn't some little scared bunny- he was a _man_, dammit. And even though he was eyeing her warily and maintaining his spot by the door, that was only because the she-devil had given him reason to.

Tenten exhaled noisily and explained slowly, enjoying Sasuke's concentrated irritation. "You are our 1000th customer."

He waited, the look on his face clearly saying, '_So_?'

She managed not to groan in exasperation and mentally patted herself on the back as she replied dryly, "You've won yourself a gift card, an iPod shuffle and two VIP tickets to the 'Fairview All-rock Concert'."

The other customers made no effort to pretend they were happy for the Uchiha with the clearly heard comments of 'Damn! I should have bought this earlier!', 'That should be me!' and 'Lucky _bastard_,' coming from the otherwise silent room.

Tenten brought each item out from underneath the counter and placed them in a bag. When she pulled out a pink iPod, Sasuke's death glare activated almost immediately.

"I don't want that."

She frowned. "You won it."

"Keep it."

"I can't keep it, you idiot. Just take it. I'm sure if you're a real man, you can handle a pink accessory."

Sasuke's glare intensified and Tenten grumbled under her breath about weak men and their fear of pink

"Fine. Here."

Sasuke's lip twitched upward for a microsecond as the girl replaced the girly, pink monstrosity with a manly, black one.

He nodded in acknowledgment.

Tenten rolled her eyes at him.

Sasuke merely took his winnings and left.

No leap of joy, no wide grin, no 'OMIGOSH I'M SO HAPPY I COULD DIE!'…just a polite nod.

He really knew how to kill a mood.

Tenten shook her head, driving back a satisfied smile.

One day, the block of ice stuck up the Uchiha's ass would melt…and they'd all probably die in the resulting flood.

She groaned loudly when a canister of tear gas was thrown in through the window, shattering the glass and scattering shards of their display window everywhere.

"Please remain calm-"

Tenten huffed in annoyance as a small team of heavily armoured men ran in, dramatically throwing themselves in through the window. The canister hadn't even been activated and she wondered briefly at the police force's efficiency.

The men rolled around on the floor, crawling aimlessly and looking for the criminal mastermind who had caused the silence of Sounds.

The customers went about their business, stepping over a man here and there before moving to the counter and paying.

**(I am a sexy page break…DATE ME!)**

Sasuke went up the stairs silently. He'd taken the bus home and walked the two blocks to his house, skillfully avoiding his earthly nemesis- the dreaded fangirl. Apparently baseball caps worked wonders for moving around incognito.

The gates were open seconds before he reached them and shut just as quickly. The guard at the gate smiled and nodded politely at him and he nodded politely back in a silent thanks.

The Uchiha house was in the upper middle class area of the neighbourhood and as everyone knows, upper middle class isn't that far off from rich.

The house tried way too hard to be normal and as such, ended up being almost extravagant. The white mansion surrounded by immaculate lawns and beautiful, thick hedges and the large guarded gate didn't exactly scream suburbs but wasn't so far off that the neighbours ended up hating you.

The house was silent when Sasuke entered, shutting the door loudly behind him. His parents were off at work and his brother… Well…no one ever really knew where _he _was so…

"Hey little brother."

Sasuke sighed and walked past his older doppelganger.

"_Ah_…doing the usual angsting, huh? Don't worry, I _feel _you…"

Sasuke glared at Itachi. "Please stop trying to relate to me."

"It's what relatives do… " Itachi shrugged, sipping from the carton of milk in his hands. "We _relate_."

Sasuke glared painstakingly at his brother.

Itachi's long dark hair was messily falling over his shoulders, his softly expressive face that was well-defined and almost flawless was flushed and his dark eyes were full of amusement.

Sasuke frowned. "You people really need to stop giving me all these '_amused_' looks. Last time I checked, I wasn't a clown-in-training."

Itachi chuckled deeply and just patted Sasuke's head lazily while the younger boy tried to slap his hand away.

Itachi oozed confidence, intelligence and at the moment, sex. He knew he looked good and believed it was part of his duty to exploit it, which irked Sasuke to no end.

Especially when it meant his brother was shirtless and in his pajama bottoms, roaming around the house.

"What are you doing home?" Sasuke asked, suddenly curious. "Shouldn't you be at some university somewhere?"

Itachi smiled, ruffling Sasuke's hair affectionately, "Aww! You noticed."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and walked away.

"Hey Sasuke!"

Sasuke sighed but didn't turn around.

"You know that puppy that got lost when we were five…?"

Sasuke turned, raising an eyebrow at Itachi.

"I think it got stuck up your ass along with that missing kid. You should really have them removed."

Sasuke mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'freakin idiot' and went into his room.

He glanced briefly at the calendar on his bedside table and groaned. It was barely ten in the morning. He lay n his bed, placing the bag beside him before staring at the ceiling.

_Saturday_…

A day to relax, reflect on the past week, delve into the knowledge of-

_'__I love you, you love me_

_We're a happy family,_

_With a great big hug and a-__'_

Sasuke sprung up and rushed to his door, flinging it open and finding a CD player playing the Barney theme song…which would stay stuck in his head for the rest of the week. Like all the other times Itachi had done this.

"_Itachi_!"

Itachi chuckled from the safety of his room and ignored his younger brother.

A moment later, he sighed.

His brother really needed to get laid.

Sasuke was seventeen and probably still a _virgin_...

He sniffed lightly.

He had failed as an older brother...

**(I am a teen page break, get the hell out of my room!)**

When Sasuke gave up trying to break Itachi's door down, he settled for glaring at it...which was just as ineffective but made him feel a lot better.

That done, he returned to his room and turned on his laptop.

Placing the Nickelback CD in his stereo, he took out the iPod shuffle and opened iTunes while he relaxed and reclined, placing the laptop on one of his pillows.

He started to nod off and-

"SASUKE!"

Sasuke woke up with a start, ready to jump out the window if there was a fire...after saving his laptop first, of course.

He looked groggily around the room.

Everything was perfectly in place. So that meant...

_Itachi_.

"Sasuke!"

Speak of the devil.

"What?"

"Something came up and the folks won't be in till Monday!"

Sasuke yawned.

Sudden business trips weren't unusual for his parents.

He sat up, noticing it was dark outside. His CD was still playing and his lap was unusually warm.

He put his laptop aside, wondering if the rumours about laptops and impotence had any truth to them...

He hoped not.

He looked down at the still connected iPod and ejected it. It had come with a blue and white leather strap so he could attach it to his arm.

He changed clothes, wearing shorts and a t-shirt, and headed for the gym in the basement.

He attached the iPod and was all set with the rock and-

_What the hell._

_'__I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world...__'_

Itachi was a dead man.

Selecting a non-girly play list took him eight whole seconds of his life that he'd never get back. He set the treadmill to a jogging pace, deciding to forgo his stretching.

"Oooooooh..."

Sasuke froze- well, as much as a guy jogging in place can freeze. He was sure he'd heard something. He looked around the large, dimly lit room. He was surrounded by the normal array of training equipment. The gym was well stocked in that area and even had a sauna across the room. Sasuke briefly noted that the sauna lights were on , even though they too were dim.

He faced the sauna and waited, figuring there could be three possibilities:

(a) he was hearing things,

(b) there was a ghost down there, or

(c) Itachi was trying to add more stupidity to his life than was approved of by the board of health.

"_Ooohhh_..."

He turned off the treadmill and got off, walking carefully toward the sauna, ignoring the little voice at the back of his head screaming that he should _not_ investigate.

"Mhmmm..."

He opened the door and found the familiar screen of steam blocking his view. When it cleared, Sasuke deeply regretted his 20-20 vision and swore colourfully n his head cause even though his lips moved, his voice was in too much of a shock to actually escape.

In the sauna, n his favourite bench, Itachi and a blue haired woman were...

Sasuke turned and ran. Yes, _ran_.

Maybe if he tripped over the stairs and hit his head, that disturbing image would leave his head.

In his room, he tried to calm himself down, rocking back and forth, playing reruns of "Postman pat" on his laptop just so he could repress the evil visual of Itachi and that girl, desperately wanting to be five again.

He unstrapped the iPod from his arm and, seeing an oily fingerprint on it, absently wiped it on his shirt.

BOOM!

There was a large and sudden blast of smoke.

"What the-"

The smoke cleared, unpleasantly reminding him of 'steam' and he found himself staring at a blonde boy sitting on his bed and staring at him.

"Great. I fell asleep, my laptop blew up and I'm dead," Sasuke reasoned.

The boy gave him a questioning glance before bowing and saying, "Hello, what is it you wish for tonight?"

Sasuke stared.

Maybe he wasn't dead.

Maybe some _retard _had broken in, thrown a smoke bomb in his room and was now talking to him...

Yeah...That _definitely _made more sense than his first guess.

"I suggest you leave before I call security."

If the boy heard him, he was duly ignored.

"Whoa..." he glanced up at Sasuke's room. "This place is _huge_!"

Sasuke turned away, beginning to walk out the room, "I'm calling se-"

He froze.

The boy was at the door, smiling at him, blue eyes bright with mischief.

"Forgive my manners, let me introduce myself. I'm Naruto."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "_Ok__aa__ay_... What the hell are you doing in my house?"

Naruto blinked, "Um...you rubbed the iPod."

Sasuke stared.

"You released me."

Still staring...

The blonde sighed. "I'm a genie."

Sasuke blanched...then raised an eyebrow in his own version of a loud guffaw.

"Sure you are," he stated dryly. "Now could you go be a genie somewhere _else_?"

Naruto didn't speak.

Sasuke tried again, slower this time.

"Where did you come from? How did you get in here? Where is your home?"

The smaller boy sighed impatiently, "The iPod. Duh."

Sasuke nodded, "Ah yes, iPod. I know it well, its a few miles from...Do I look _stupid _to you?"

Naruto smiled, deeply amused. "I'll assume that last bit was rhetorical. I live in the iPod. I'm a genie."

"A _genie_?" Sasuke scoffed. "You expect me to _believe _that? Does this _look _like a Disney show to you?"

"Well, you _did _rub my home..."

"You mean _the iPod shuffle_? Aren't you supposed to be in a lamp?" Sasuke taunted.

"21st century. I moved."

"Yeah? Can I give you some advice?"

Naruto shrugged. "Sure"

"Don't let the door hit your magical butt on your way out."

Naruto rolled his eyes, "Truly you are a sage of ancient wisdom. Now can we get on with this?"

"With what?" the raven groaned as his brain provided him with a crash course in Genie 101. "Oh yeah...three wishes."

Naruto snorted. "Er...no. I'm not that kind of genie."

Sasuke feigned shock. "_No_...you don't say..."

Naruto glared. "I'm genie version 234-LCV."

"Wow, you take this modern day genie thing pretty seriously, huh?"

Naruto blinked then sighed, deciding to ignore the brunette. "Here are the rules. You get one hour a day of ecstasy for thirty days."

Sasuke choked. "Ecstasy? I don't take drugs. Get _out _before I call the cops, you moron."

Angrily, Naruto snapped his fingers.

The room grew dark and Sasuke stilled.

"Neat trick. I can do it too...with a light switch."

"Damn you're stubborn." Naruto swore. "I'm obligated to pleasure you for the first hour in the form of your choice. The next thirty hours are over a period of thirty days and can be with the person of your choice. They won't remember it after."

Sasuke snorted. "Uh huh...so you're like a _sex _genie."

"Yes."

Sasuke thought the answer sounded strained but what did he know.

"Funny, we call it prostitution but I'm 'sure sex genie' works just as well."

"It's not prostitution."

Sasuke chuckled dryly. "Getting paid for sex? Of course not." His eyes were beginning to adjust to the darkness and he could barely make out the silhouette of the crazy homeless kid in his room. Sasuke edged toward the panic button by his door hoping to keep the psycho talking and hightail it before the guy stabbed him or something.

"I never asked for payment."

"Not yet. So...how long have you been a professional pervert?"

"Long enough."

_Almost there..._

Sasuke heard another snap and waited before-

"What the _hell_!"

He was strapped to his bed with some really thick rope and a blonde girl looking down at him.

Wasting no time, she straddled him.

"Who the hell are _you_? Get _off _me before I rip your head off!"

The girl laughed and said in a soft voice, "Mmm...Maybe blondes aren't your type?"

Her hair turned brown and Sasuke stilled in surprise.

"Yes, it's still me," Naruto chuckled.

Sasuke growled. "Get. Off. Me."

Her hair turned different shades, along with her face and body and then she frowned, her frown getting deeper with each change. A large pair of boobs were practically falling into the raven's face and all he did was glare.

Suddenly, a look of pure evil crossed 'her' face.

"Maybe _girls _aren't your type?"

Sasuke growled.

Naruto turned back to himself and smirked.

"Oh...I _see_."

Sasuke's glare faltered.

"As amusing as that glare is, I really don't want to see it."

Sasuke found his eyes being covered and felt the soft material over them.

_A blindfold?_

Fingers roamed experimentally over his body, tracing an invisible path from his hands to his shoulders...moving down to his neck.

Sasuke scowled as he started to struggle.

Great, he was going to be raped by some psycho fanboy. Surprisingly calm, he huffed and tried to untie the ropes. A finger brushed over his nipple and he froze, hoping his glare would burn through the cloth and melt the sick bastard.

_Stupid ropes._

Suddenly, the ropes were gone and Sasuke found himself able to see the surprised blonde sitting on top of him.

In his moment of freedom, Sasuke threw the genie off him.

Naruto landed with a heavy thud.

A second later, he looked up at the raven, a dark glare firmly in place.

"What the _hell_ was that for?"

Sasuke smirked at the now fully clothed genie.

"I was trying not to get raped."

Naruto snorted, sitting up with his legs bent to either side of him, looking like he was straddling the floor.

"I don't think that would hold in court..."

Sasuke swore and got up, "Get. Out."

Naruto shrugged, "Well...the rules say I can't force you if you really are an unwilling party...so..."

"Seriously you freak, leave."

Naruto smirked, "Just rub it when you need me."

Sasuke watched Naruto fade into a wisp of blue smoke and seep into the iPod.

He stared, his jaw planted firmly on the ground.

_What just happened?_

He really needed to lay off angst.

He lay down on his bed and stared at his pillow. His eyes suddenly felt heavy and he closed them, failing to understand the questions in his head as he immediately fell asleep.

The blue smoke returned and reformed, the blonde sat by him on the bed, fascinated.

They were always dramatic on the first day...even the pervs- but with them it was mostly out of excitement.

Naruto's gaze grew hard as he stepped away from the sleeping boy.

_Maybe tomorrow…_

**(I am a page break, what the hell do you mean, what do i do?)**

Sasuke woke with a start.

Looking around the familiar surroundings, he sighed and fell back against his pillows.

He'd had the strangest dream. He sat up and noticed he hadn't changed out of his clothes. He scowled at that and ran a hand through his hair, wondering which part of the dream was real. He figured the Itachi-and-girl part must have been what led him to having the idiotic nightmare.

He glanced at his iPod and then, looking around him as if to make sure no one was there to see him act like a fool, rubbed it against his sleeve.

Nothing happened.

He shrugged. "Shoulda known I-"

"What's up?"

Sasuke gracefully fell off the bed.

"_You_!"

"Yeah?"

"Y-you're _real_?"

"No duh."

"So I...you...the iPod..."

Naruto nodded, "Um..._yes_? I think. Didn't we do this yesterday? The whole freaking out, disbelieving thing, I mean. It's a tad bit boring."

Sasuke glared, "Yeah well maybe I'd entertain you if I wasn't wondering why the _hell_ there's a freakin _**genie**_ in my room!"

"Yeah, yeah...calm down."

"Calm down… _CALM DOWN_?"

Naruto sighed.

Obviously the term was new to the boy.

As Sasuke went on a long-winded rant, Naruto thought about how cute really small dogs were...it was really quite convenient for transportation needs if you could just pick one up, stuff em in your pocket and-

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?"

Naruto blinked, "Um, _no_?"

Sasuke sighed loudly. "Dammit."

The blonde shrugged. "Why did you release me if you didn't know what I was?"

Sasuke gave him an incredulous look. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't _realise _that rubbing things against my sleeve would release mythical creatures."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "No need to be sarcastic."

Sasuke snorted. "I believe there is _every_ need to be sarcastic. Just tell me how to get rid of you and we'll be on our way."

"Look, just so you know, you can't get rid of me that easily."

"How about 'I wish you were free'?"

Naruto sighed. "This isn't Aladdin stupid. That won't work."

Th raven scowled. "I don' need a sex genie. Now maybe if you were a _real_ genie, we'd have something to talk about."

The blonde's eyed blazed with hidden fury and he snarled. "Listen _princess_, I'm not thrilled about being here and I sure as hell do not _want_ to spend the next month with a stick-up prick so if you don't mind, I'd like to get this over with."

"No thankyou," Sasuke smirked. "Just gimme the rules on getting rid of you."

Naruto's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Asshole. You can't set me free or 'get rid of' the iPod _or _me until my services have been spent."

Sasuke's lips tilted up in a condescending smirk, "Shouldn't you call me _master _or something. I'm not sure about whatever rules you have but calling me an asshole really isn't genie-like."

Naruto grinned, "Master, huh? Kinky."

Sasuke growled, "That wasn't what I meant, stupid."

The blonde winked, "Sure it wasn't."

"I need to find a way to get _rid _of you," Sasuke said to himself.

Naruto cleared his throat, "Once everyday for thirty days."

"What?"

"These are the terms. Sex with me once a day, for thirty days."

"Oh joy."

"I know, right?"

"Bite me."

"Love to."

"Get lost."

"Wish I could." Naruto sighed, then said abruptly. "Back to the basics; you can choose when to have sex most of the time. However, if you skip a day, I'll take you back in time to an hour of my choice...but that only counts after your first time with me."

Sasuke stared, "Just so you know, I am not having sex with you."

Naruto smiled warmly, "Right."

"I'm serious."

"Okay…then you're stuck with me till you do."

Sasuke groaned. "Can't you have sex with someone _else_?"

Naruto shook his head. "Not unless you're into harem type things...or watching..."

Sasuke glared.

Naruto chuckled. "To do my duty, only one hour is allocated, but I can come out anytime you need me really..."

"Why?"

Naru shrugged. "Rules."

Sasuke nodded.

"Can I go now?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke nodded again.

The iPod lit up as Naruto disappeared into it.

Sasuke groaned.

"Hey Sasuke! If you're done conversing with your imaginary friend, breakfast is ready!"

Itachi had apparently heard him screaming bloody murder and ranting up the wall...

"Sod off!"

"I love you too!"

_Stupid Itachi._

"Did he hear you?"

The iPod glowed and he heard Naruto's voice clearly saying, "No. Not unless I want him to. Same goes for seeing me."

"So, to him, I was apparently screaming to myself..."

"Well...teenagers do need different ways of relieving stress-."

"Be quiet."

"-for most, its sex...but for you...it could be murder."

"Shut up."

"You don't seem too happy so I figure you must not be getting some or simply-"

"Seriously, shut up."

"-still a virgin or something..."

"I'll break the iPod if you don't shut it."

"Then I'll just move into your laptop. Love to see you break that."

"Maybe you'll be quiet if I shove the laptop up your-"

"Sasuke! Stop mumbling to yourself and come eat breakfast! Even emos need their strength!"

_I was so adopted._

"I like your brother," Naruto whispered about Itachi.

"Please go have sex with him then..."

Naruto chuckled, "Sorry buddy. I think he's taken; you should have seen him and that blue haired chick go at it! I was blown out of my mind... And so was he, if you know what I mean..."

"You're disgusting. How did you see them anyway...?"

"Um...I heard a dangerous sound, thought it might be burglars and went to investigate..."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "You need to work on your lying skills."

"You need to work on your people skills."

"Sasuke!"

"DAMMIT I'M COMING!"

Naruto chuckled and the iPod dimmed.

Sasuke would be an interesting case…

**Xo-oX**

**A/N: Yo.****Lemme know if it's worth continuing…**


	2. Magic is real, like leprechauns

**A**** K****ind of ****M****agic**

by Rizember

**Xo-oX**

**Chapter 2: Magic is real, like leprechauns**

**Xo-oX**

**Disclaimer: **insert disclaimer here.

**Xo-oX**

"Since the dawn of time, Uchihas have excelled in one special sport…one they have triumphed and lessened many a manly man in…one they have taken the gold in time and time again…

Glaring contests.

They were the stuff of **legends**…

A ring was set up and a bunch of em would gather as the announcer would begin-

"On this side, weighing just the right amount cause Uchihas are _perfect_: Uchiha "The Uchiha" Guy!"

Cheers erupt.

"…And on this side, weighing an equally perfect amount: Uchiha "The Uchiha" Fella!"

More cheers…

They'd start off easy.

"ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE?

And we're off ladies and gentlemen!

"The Uchiha" strikes first with an arrogant sneer!

Oh boy!

Uchiha retaliates with a superior sneer of his own!

Gosh dang!

Uchiha kicks it up a notch with…is that…no…it couldn't be…wait…it is! OMIGOSH…he let him have it with a SCOFF ladies and gentlemen! Straight from this month's 'How tobe an Uchiha' catalogue too!

Gee willickers!

Oh my, what's Uchiha to do now?

Whoo doggie!

He hit back with an ice cold SNORT!

How will Uchiha ever get up from that one?

MY GRANDMOTHER'S SPATULA! THE UCHIHA SMIRKED!

I am **overcome**by the coldness and pure _bastardery _of that smirk! It was amazing!

Oh…no…he just…he…he…**GLARED**!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE FIRST GLARE OF THE MATCH! WE CAN ONLY _HOPE _THAT THE UCHIHA HASN'T WASTED HIS MOST PRIZED AWESOMEST MOVE EARLY IN THE GAME!

…

Silence reigns supreme as Uchiha takes in a deep breath to prepare himself for his comeback…

EINSTEIN'S SOGGY UNDERSHORTS, IT'S OVER!

He wins **hands down** with a SPECTACULAR mix of Sharingan-induced lip-curling and the almighty UCHIHA POUT OF DOOM topped off with a condescending "Hn"!

Uchiha wins!

Uchiha wins!"

Needless to say, by the end, no one was really sure who had won but at least they got their daily dose of action…"

Sasuke had been twitching during that whole monologue, provided by yours truly- the genie with a death wish.

Naruto chuckled, pleased at having riled up the raven who was quietly fuming by his side.

He'd tried everything on their way back to get Sasuke to talk to him but apparently, Sasuke was still kinda pissed at the stunt Naruto had pulled at Ichiraku's.

When they finally got to the Uchiha mansion, Naruto yawned.

Sasuke glared at him but said nothing.

The blonde had been talking the whole time since they left Ichiraku's and the raven _still _hadn't responded…

Naruto smirked. _'__Bastard's probably brooding over whether or not his hair gel was withstanding the steamy ramen restaurant._'

Sasuke walked up the driveway hurriedly. Naruto skipped a few steps to keep up.

"Thanks for the ramen."

"…"

"I really love miso-pork ramen."

"…"

"I also like pie."

"…"

"You know…I think you'd look good in pink."

"…"

"PMS much?"

When Sasuke still didn't speak, Naruto prodded him with a big stick.

Sasuke flipped, "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, TELLING EVERYONE THAT YOU'RE A FREAKING **GENIE**! DID YOU _THINK _THAT WAS FUNNY? AND WILL YOU **STOP **POKING ME WITH THAT STICK! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET IT ANYWAY?"

Naruto yawned again, "Me genie. Me make magic. Me make stick appear. Make kids at party go 'wow'."

"Idiot."

"You're really uptight."

Sasuke glared intensely at him, fuming.

Naruto waved his hand in the air dismissively, "You have nothing to worry about. First, I didn't tell everyone, just the owner and his daughter and they thought I was amusing maybe even a little crazy but that's kinda related…and second, they won't remember it tomorrow."

Sasuke blinked. "Why not?"

Naruto shrugged, "Because I don't _want _them to remember."

Sasuke groaned, muttering. "You couldn't just stay invisible or something, huh? And please tell me _why _you make me able to see you and not everyone else… and have me rave like a lunatic in public!"

"Kinda like now?"

"Yes, like n…" Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "I hate you."

The genie chuckled.

"You can use that angry passion in _so _many ways."

Sasuke snorted, "Yeah, _killing _you."

Naruto sighed, "Do you get off on violence?"

"Could you just let me know when you're visible to the rest of the world that presently has their sanity intact?"

"You're not insane Sasuke…just a nympho with no outlet."

"I. Am. **Not**. A. Nympho."

"You say it like it's a bad thing."

Sasuke didn't grace the genie with an answer and stalked past him, entering the house and shutting the door behind him before Naruto could enter.

He turned around and-

Naruto was grinning at him.

"Lemme guess. You hate me?"

Sasuke smirked, "Oh look, you're psychic too."

He wondered what he'd done to fate to deserve this…The day had been…**weird**…

**(I am an emo page break, don't touch me!)**

_**That morning…**_

"Hey Sasuke. Who's your boyfriend?"

Sasuke looked up and found Itachi smiling at him. A stupid knowing smile.

Sasuke never brought friends home…but there, behind him, was a blonde…coming from his bedroom…

"Hey, I'm Naruto."

Itachi nodded and patted Naruto's blonde head.

"You shall overcome," he said cryptically. "I give him three weeks tops."

Sasuke scowled.

"He's the first person you've brought home. Did you pick him up on the street?" he turned to Naruto. "Are you a hooker?"

Naruto smiled, "No, I don't charge."

Itachi nodded appreciatively, "Ah yes. Free sex. Sasuke, I _approve_."

Sasuke groaned and walked into the kitchen, leaving the two idiots behind.

Itachi and Naruto followed.

The blonde sat at the counter, staring hungrily at every bit of food except the oatmeal.

He didn't **do **oatmeal.

Itachi smiled at him, "I made plenty, eat up."

Not needing to be told twice, indeed, not even waiting for Itachi to finish his sentence, Naruto grabbed a plate and piled eggs, bacon, beans, tomato and toast onto it, digging in with fervor.

"Don't forget, little brother," Itachi smirked, glancing at Naruto. "Your sexual escapades must be discreet."

"You're one to talk…going around and humping that girl everywhere…" Sasuke mumbled.

Unfortunately, Itachi heard.

Itachi blinked.

"You saw me?"

"…"

"Me and Konan…having sex…you _saw _us?"

"…"

Itachi shifted thoughtfully for a second, then-

"So…what d'you think?"

Sasuke stared.

"About what?"

Itachi smirked, "Come on Sasuke!"

Sasuke gaped.

"Are you asking me what I thought of your…?"

When Sasuke glared, Itachi chuckled evilly.

"I had no idea you were a voyeur. I really should have guessed." He winked at Sasuke. "If you're interested, I have a threesome scheduled for three o'clock…"

The cereal box never saw it coming. One minutes it was on the counter, minding its own business and the next, it **smacked**rightinto Itachi's face.

Itachi scowled as the cereal box, now on the floor, let loose a string of unheard, but very colourful, swears.

"What have I told you about hitting me Sasuke?" Itachi said, his voice low.

"To spare your face and aim where it would leave a cool scar," Sasuke mumbled.

"_Why_?"

"So the nurses can look at your 'handsome' face as they clean your wound."

"Which I got _how_?"

"In a fight protecting a woman, a baby and a puppy."

"Exactly…which is why you should aim better next time."

Sasuke rolled his eyes at the older raven's stupidity and restrained the small smile that would have hinted that he didn't hate his brother.

Itachi smiled. "Anyway," he grabbed an apple. "Lemme know if you need a few pointers getting that move down. It's a little tricky at first-"

Sasuke stared.

"I'm talking about the many ways Konan and I-"

"I gathered as much," Sasuke said dryly and proceeded to leave the room.

After a full hour of angst and rock to drown out the 'Itachi-and-_that-girl_' incident, Sasuke bravely peeked into the corridor.

No stupid brother.

Chance.

Sasuke snuck down to the kitchen and stared. Naruto was still there… just _looking _at a tub of icecream.

He was about to tell genieboy that when icecream was left out, magic happened and it turned all mushy…something called _melting_.

He frowned when he spotted the blue haired girl sitting on their counter, remembering seeing her with his brother…

_S__top! That way lies __disgust!_

"Oh hey Sasuke," Naruto looked up briefly. "This is Konan."

Konan had been painting her nails and she looked up at Sasuke and smiled, "Hey."

"Hn."

"Charming little bugger, aren't you?"

"Hn."

Konan chuckled.

Sasuke sighed.

"SASUKE!"

_'I__ should really sell Itachi to a zoo or something…or kill him and donate his body to science.__'_

"Yeah?"

Itachi came into the room.

"Ah, you've met Konan…"

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Uh…dad called. He said he needs you to get him the package arriving at ten this morning."

Sasuke glanced at the clock. It was 9:59.

Maybe the package wouldn't come and he wouldn't have to go.

10:00.

_**DING DONG!**_

Sasuke swore.

He hated Courier Services…always on time.

Damn.

When he got back from the front door, Itachi and Konan were making out fiercely and Naruto was deeply enamored with the large bowl of soggy cereal he was eating…

Sasuke grabbed an apple and walked out. He opened the door and-

Naruto was standing there.

"How did you-"

Naruto sighed, "Do we have to go through the whole 'I'm-a-genie-thing'?"

Sasuke pushed him out of his way and walked past him.

"Um…Sasuke…?"

Sasuke didn't stop.

"Are you leaving me behind?"

Sasuke continued, almost down the driveway.

"DID YOU EVEN TAKE A BATH THIS MORNING?"

Sasuke froze and even from that distance, Naruto could see the pink on his cheeks.

He stormed past Naruto, back into the house and up the stairs.

Naruto was waiting on his bed when he was done.

Sasuke, dripping and in a towel, glared at him.

"Get out."

Naruto rolled his eyes a him and walked into his bathroom, a towel, toothbrush and bar of soap appearing in his hand.

Sasuke dressed hurriedly, hoping to ditch Naruto.

Just as he was opening the door, having donned a pair of sneakers, black jeans and a white t-shirt, Naruto came out the bathroom.

"Sasuke?"

He raised an eyebrow at him but...

-But this was his chance to escape the madness.

He ran out the room, package in hand and grabbed a coat before he rushed out the door, his sneakers making a pleasant squeaking sound as he made a run for it.

Just as he made the first corner, there was Naruto.

Again.

Surprise surprise.

Naruto was glaring at him.

"You tried to ditch me!"

Keyword: Tried.

Sasuke stared at him.

His blonde hair was still slightly wet, his lips were set in what he assumed was supposed to be a menacing pout…and he was dressed really cool.

Blue t-shirt, black jeans, white sneakers that looked just like-

"Are you wearing my stuff?"

Naruto shrugged, "That's not important. Can I come with you?"

"No."

"But I can't stay here! I'll be bored!"

"Entertain yourself."

"But I don't wanna eat fake ramen anymore!"

Sasuke stared. "Why would you do that?"

"I love ramen."

"Make some later then."

"Can't… Do you have any? In the house I mean."

Sasuke shook his head, trying to ignore the fact that he was here, in his right mind, having a conversation with something that shouldn't exist, and talking about ramen.

It was abit overwhelming.

Naruto sighed, "Guess that dream's gone and died."

Sasuke snorted, "Do you even _need _to eat?"

The blonde rolled his eyes at him, "Well duh. Now that I'm out, yes."

"Why now?"

"Cause I was hibernating before…"

"Then go eat some oatmeal."

Naruto's face fell, "You tryna kill me or something?"

"Yes… but not with oatmeal."

Naruto grumbled and Sasuke smirked, amused at his childishness.

"So…can I come with you?"

Sasuke snorted and started to walk again.

"COME ON! TAKE ME WITH YOU!"

"No."

The genie sighed, "Great. Maybe I'll get another 100 years back in there…"

Sasuke stopped and turned, "You're actually 100 years old?"

"Equivalently, 117. Stopped aging at the time so technically, I'm 17."

"And _already _a perv."

"You gotta start young."

"Of course."

So…Naruto had been stuck in whatever container it was for 100 years…

Maybe he deserved a break…

"Let's go."

Naruto gaped. "I can go with you?"

Sasuke nodded, missing the satisfied, almost _relieved_ smirk the blonde sent him.

"You mean it?"

"Say anything perverted or even try to _suggest _having sex with me and I'll have you back in the iPod."

Naruto blinked. "You're carrying the iPod…"

Sasuke sighed. "Yeah. And?"

"You weren't going to leave me!" Naruto grinned…then scowled. "You _bastard_! Why did you-"

"I take great pleasure in making you beg." Sasuke said plainly, walking again. "Besides, I can't leave you there doing voodoo or whatever-"

"Magic," Naruto corrected.

"-when you'd probably end up blowing up the house by noon…or make a porno using those two."

Naruto whistled.

"You've already made it, haven't you?"

Naruto sighed dreamily, "I'd never seen moves like _that_…"

"Destroy it."

"But Sasuke-"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

"Fine. Spoilsport."

"Hn."

Naruto glared at him. "Can I stay invisible if I want?"

Sasuke just wanted him to_ shut up_. "Sure. Knock yourself out."

Naruto was telling Sasuke about the time he saw Moby Dick when they finally got to the bus stop. After that, the blonde was silent the whole way, which amazed Sasuke as he had _no idea _Naruto possessed that ability.

He was staring out the window, not excited or like a tourist, but like someone who wanted to drink it all in before they lost it all again.

Sasuke felt a smidgen of concern growing and strangled it at birth.

"Fine."

Naruto looked at him, confused.

Sasuke sighed, "I won't lock you up for saying anything perverted."

Naruto grinned, "I knew you liked it."

"Don't make me kill you. I'm being nice here."

Naruto nodded, blue eyes shining, a soft smile on his lips making him look…

Sasuke shook his head and turned away.

The blond was attractive, sure…but that didn't mean _Sasuke_was attracted to him.

Naruto turned back to the window, the smile still in place as he watched the passing trees give way to a concrete jungle.

They got off at the third stop and Sasuke tried to hail a cab. Six cabs passed and he was getting frustrated. Amused, Naruto whistled loudly and four cabs screeched to a halt in front of them.

Sasuke didn't even need to glance at Naruto to know there was a smirk firmly in place.

They got in the closest one and he gave the cabby directions.

"Akatsuki."

The man nodded and drove hurriedly.

They got there in record time.

Sasuke looked at the meter and felt his pockets.

_'__Crap_.'

His wallet…

He was mortified.

Naruto was looking at him and he could feel the cabbies gaze on him through the rearview mirror.

"Sasuke?"

Sasuke groaned and whispered, "My wallet…I think I left it in the bus."

Naruto stared, "That all?"

Sasuke glared, whispering heatedly, "What the hell do you mean '_that all_'?" he took in a calming breath. "Do you have any money?"

Naruto chuckled, "Nope."

"Can you magic some up?"

"Against the rules."

"You're useless and we're screwed." Sasuke ran a hand through his hair. "I'll have to go up…"

Naruto saw Sasuke's discomfort and grabbed his hand, shutting his eyes.

"What the hell! Let go of-"

Naruto opened his eyes, glaring at him, and said, "What does it look like?"

"What?" He asked, bewildered.

"The wallet, you idiot," Naruto hissed.

"Black, a fan symbol on it…why?"

Naruto nodded and shut his eyes.

"Excuse me guys-"

"Shhh," Naruto shushed the cabby.

The cabby sighed and kept quiet.

The meter was still running. Their loss.

A minute later, Sasuke watched Naruto frown…then a small smile lit the genie's face.

"Found it."

Sasuke stared.

"Where it is?"

Naruto lifted his hand, not too high and just so Sasuke could see, and the wallet slowly materialized in his hand.

"Sorry it took so long," Naruto said apologetically. "I'm alittle rusty."

Sasuke smiled and took it, opening it and paying the cabby.

When they got out, he turned to Naruto and said, "Thanks."

Naruto stared at him as he walked away before rushing to catch up with him.

There was a small smile on his face as he watched Sasuke… Being a genie was usually a thankless job.

He looked up at the building and couldn't help but stare.

"It's the tallest building in the city," Sasuke pointed out.

"And the most beautiful… Itachi designed it and my mother had shown it to an architect friend of hers, who'd said it was one of the best he'd ever seen…" Sasuke explained briefly, trailing off.

Naruto nodded.

Itachi was gifted.

The glass from the windows, looking different shades of blue and green, had Naruto enthralled.

"Come on," Sasuke called.

Naruto nodded and followed him.

The doorman smiled at Sasuke and Naruto as he opened the door.

They went into the busy building.

Above the receptionist station, a large red cloud on a black background was set in beautiful, shining stone with the words 'Akatsuki' on it.

The receptionist smiled at Sasuke and said, "Good afternoon Sasuke."

He nodded politely at her, glancing at the clock behind her. It was a few minutes past noon.

"Go right up."

He nodded again and guided Naruto into to the elevators. One offloaded and as people came streaming out, Sasuke went in with Naruto close behind him.

Naruto wordlessly took the package from him; he'd been unconsciously shifting it back and forth.

They were the only two in the elevator as it went up.

Naruto looked thoughtful and had his eyes closed, leaning against the wall.

"I'm surprised Shizune didn't ask about you…"

"Shizune?" Naruto opened his eyes.

"The receptionist… she's usually quite nosy."

Naruto smiled, "That's because she couldn't see me…"

Sasuke stared.

"How long have you been invisible?"

"Since we left the house."

"WHA-"

"I'm kidding. Just since leaving the cab."

Sasuke glared, "So, the doorman thinks I was talking to myself…"

Naruto shrugged, "Or to your imaginary friend."

Sasuke kept quiet, not wanting to commit murder just yet. He didn't know if genies bled.

They reached the top floor and walked through the hallway into a circular room connecting other hallways.

That floor's receptionist sat at her desk, typing away.

Sasuke had never seen her before and figured she was new…and unlike the receptionist downstairs, had no idea who he was…

"Can I help you?"

"Yes," Sasuke replied. "I'm here to see Mr. Uchiha."

"Do you have a package?"

"No."

Naruto was holding the package and if he was invisible, there was no point mentioning it…unless she could see the package floating.

When he didn't explain further, she sighed irritably.

Sasuke read her name tag out of habit. Evelyn.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No."

"Then I'm afraid you'll have to wait." She picked up the phone. "Your name sir?"

"Sasuke Mafoosala," Naruto quipped hurriedly, suddenly standing by Sasuke and earning himself the famous Uchiha glare.

The secretary, Evelyn, shot Sasuke a strange glance.

"Please take a seat."

He nodded and sat down, Naruto moving to sit next to him.

"Yes sir…I have a Mr. Mafoosala here to see you. Um, yes sir."

"**A**Mr. Sasuke Mafoosala?" Naruto chuckled. "So there are _others_?"

Sasuke groaned, "Shut up, would you?"

Evelyn looked at him and shook her head, mumbling something about teens and drugs…

"She can't see me," Naruto pointed out.

"But she heard you," Sasuke said accusingly.

"I wanted her to."

"Seriously, be quiet." Sasuke whispered. "I don't need her calling security and having me put in an asylum."

Naruto giggled, "That would be fun to watch... Can I kiss you?"

"WHAT?"

The secretary threw Sasuke a dirty look.

He glared back at her arrogantly before deciding she had the power to kick him out and gave her a semi-apologetic look and turned away.

"I'll take that as a no."

Sasuke decided to give Naruto the silent treatment.

"Okay…no kiss… How about a cuddle?"

Sasuke huffed but said nothing.

"A hug?"

Sasuke whispered harshly, forgetting his ironclad resolve to not speak to the blonde, "Hell no."

"Please?"

"Bite me."

"Oh, can I _really_?"

"Shut it."

Naruto was quiet a full ten minutes and Sasuke was enjoyed the silence and-

"How about a blow job?"

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP?"

The secretary was at his side with lightning speed.

"I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave, Mr. Mafoosala."

Sasuke opened his mouth to protest when-

"Sasuke my boy! Here so soon!"

The secretary turned abruptly.

"Mr. Uchiha!"

Fugaku Uchiha was approaching them.

"Hi dad."

She stared between the two.

"I see you've met my son, Sasuke."

"Your son," she whispered, her throat suddenly dry. "But he-"

"Brightest boy in his school! He's on a scholarship, you know. Been National chess champ three years in a row, just like his brother before him."

Sasuke wanted to roll his eyes at that introduction but was just glad his father hadn't seen fit to list all his accomplishments like he usually did...alphabetically _and_ chronologically.

Evelyn was scarlet now and turned humbly to Sasuke, "What can I get you sir?"

Sasuke opened his mouth again and-

"I see you brought a friend."

Sasuke stared at his father for a second before realising he was looking right at Naruto…who was smiling politely back at him.

Evelyn looked like she was about to have a heart attack, having suddenly spotted Naruto and the package, both sitting by Sasuke.

"Hello sir," Naruto said quietly.

Fugaku shook his offered hand, "Good strong handshake there. Shows a man of worthy character. Come in, come in!"

He led them to his office.

Evelyn mumbled something about hot chocolate and muffins which Naruto gladly accepted and Sasuke politely declined.

"Evelyn," Fugaku started.

"Yes sir?"

"Did you mention a Mr. Mafoosala earlier?"

Evelyn gulped, "No sir, it must have been static. I was announcing your son."

Fugaku nodded, the boys following him into the office.

Naruto placed his package on the coffee table for guests instead of on Fugaku's desk.

"So…young man. Are you friends with Sasuke from college?"

Sasuke's glare was ignored by Naruto who answered, "No sir. I'm being home schooled."

"Is that wise?" Fugaku asked, showing his distaste. "In college courses?"

"For me, yes," Naruto shrugged. "I've had excellent tutors with additional courses to my own interests…even stock market observation."

Sasuke tensed.

_'N__ot the stock market!__'_

He was _sure _his father would catch Naruto's fib there.

"Really?" Fugaku continued. "And what were your observations for this past week's movements?"

"Well sir," Naruto said, looking thoughtful and serious. "I'd say it was a good week. The rapid fall in cost shares for the Trinery mine because of the coup scared off potential buyers and more than half sold their stock. Oil was discovered later and as we all know, the current government is actually more capable than its predecessors and the people are actually quite content. It was a wise decision to stick out."

Fugaku grinned, "Sounds like you have one heck of a tutor…"

"Oh, that wasn't from my tutor. I own that land."

Sasuke slapped his forehead.

"Really?" Fugaku offered, humoring Naruto.

The blonde nodded, "Bought everything during the commotion."

"With what capital?" Fugaku asked, amused.

"My share of Rasengan's profits."

Fugaku stared hard at him.

So did Sasuke.

"You're Namikaze's son? The boy-genius who predicted-"

Naruto shook his head, "I wouldn't go that far."

"You're Naruto Uzumaki?"

Naruto nodded.

"Your father-"

"Wanted me out of the spotlight. I just want to live a normal life."

Several seconds of staring at him from both Uchihas and Naruto was starting to feel like a zoo animal…

"Well," Fugaku grinned at Sasuke. "I admire your choice of friends."

Evelyn knocked and came in with the muffins and hot chocolate.

Naruto offered to take it in the reception so Sasuke and his father could speak in private. When they were done, Naruto said goodbye and left with Sasuke.

"A rich genius? Why did you say that?"

"Cause its true," Naruto said dryly.

"Yes, because you've been acting like quite the genius all this time." Sasuke said sarcastically. "And besides, you're ancient! How could you possibly-"

"Sasuke," the genie turned to him solemnly, effectively shutting him up. "I _am _Uzumaki Naruto, son of Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina. I didn't lie. I was actually born a year after you…"

"How do you know that? I haven't told you how old I am and-"

"I read your diary while you took a shower."

"Oh."

"…"

_3…2…1…_

"YOU _WHAT_?"

"That's not important."

Sasuke looked murderous but said, "How is it possible that you were born a year after me when you told me you've been a genie for-"

"100 years?" Naruto smiled sadly, his eyes glazing over with the flooding memories. "The genie before me made a mistake, a huge one…and this was their punishment. They didn't get to fulfill it so when I took over, I had to face the punishment myself." His voice had lowered to a whisper. "A 100 years of servitude. I... I was sent back in time to a hundred years ago and served time in his place till I finally caught up with my own time…"

Sasuke was staring at him, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Are you messing with me?"

Naruto rolled his eyes and started to walk away.

"That must have sucked."

Naruto shrugged.

"So," Sasuke said, walking by him and looking at oncoming traffic. "How exactly do you become a genie?"

Naruto snorted, "Can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Rules."

Sasuke didn't believe that but didn't care. He was exhausted. He'd actually been having conversations and hadn't said "Hn" all day. That…well…that just wasn't like him _at all._

He needed to get his groove back… being an emo, angst-ridden teen was a thankless job but someone had to do it.

Immediately after he treated the blonde to some ramen.

It _had_ been a hundred years after all.

**(I am a batman page break, I have no powers)**

_**Back to the present afternoon...**_

Having calmed down, somewhat, Sasuke set his thoughtful gaze on Naruto. They were in the lounge, doing nothing but being unable to go upstairs cause Konan was pretty loud and Itachi shouting, "Yeah baby!" like he was Austin Powers, wasn't helping much.

They would wait it out diligently.

Naruto caught Sasuke staring at him.

"Like what you see?"

Sasuke didn't rise to the bait. "Earlier today, in the cab…how did you get my wallet?"

Naruto sighed, "I. Am. A. Genie."

Sasuke made an exasperated sound, "Yes, I know that! But I didn't make a wish or anything so…why'd you help me…? You can't make money magically appear but you can get my wallet back?"

Naruto sighed again, "Yeah. Don't ever tell anyone I did that. It's not exactly against the rules but…I could get punished for it."

"Then why-"

"Look, you needed it back. I got it back. Why the questions?"

"Because I want the answers."

"Argh! You're frustrating!"

Sasuke didn't speak, waiting…

"I just…felt like it."

"No repercussions?"

Naruto looked away quickly. Too quickly.

"No, of course not."

"Are you being watched or something?"

Naruto shrugged, "Kinda."

"How exactly?"

Naruto shook his head slowly. "I'm not really sure. They'll know when I have sex with you…and if I take too long, a Seer will be sent."

"Seer?"

Naruto nodded, "They're bloody irritating…They're mind readers and will use magic to get us into…'helpful' situations…as long as they aren't life-threatening."

"_Helpful__ situations_?"

Naruto laughed, "Yeah. They'll basically do everything they can to get us to have sex."

"Oh joy."

"The minute we have sex, they leave and I can grant you small wishes," Naruto offered. "Free pizza, a cold beer…world domination…"

Sasuke rolled his eyes at that.

"But," Naruto continued. "Seeing as how we haven't had sex-"

"Never will."

"-_**yet**_… I can only grant you a non-sexual wish if your life is in danger or if other lives are in danger and you wish me to save them…or if you're in a desperate state."

"Desperate?"

"Yeah," Naruto shrugged. "Like if you're stranded on a polar icecap and desperately need a burger."

"Whoever made the rules is an idiot."

Naruto chuckled, "Yeah… though for the life-saving wish, you have to have sex with the genie after…"

"That sounds really manipulative."

Naruto looked out the window, his voice failing to hide its bitter edge. "Anything to get a contract."

"You don't approve?" Sasuke asked, doubtful.

Naruto snorted, "Some genies have used it before, many times in fact… But I think it's a stupid method."

Sasuke understood. It was a cruel way to get what you want.

"Let's go watch TV."

"YOU HAVE A TV?" Naruto shouted accusingly.

"Uh…_yeah_."

"So why the hell have we been sitting here doing nothing!"

Sasuke shrugged and walked away.

Naruto glared after him.

The guy was truly a sadistic bastard.

**Xo-oX**

**A/N: Yo.**

**I hope that was alright.**

*** dodges tomatoes and other assorted vegetables * I'M SORRY IT SUCKED!**


	3. Magic is exciting, like other stuff

**A****K****ind of Magic**

by Rizember

**Xo-oX**

**Chapter 3: Magic is exciting, like ****other stuff**

**Xo-oX**

**This chapter's for chocolate-strawberry-leaf who actually believed I could do this. Thanks dude.**

**Xo-oX**

**Beta'ed by: [UnBeta'ed]**

**Xo-oX**

**Disclaimer: **yadee yadaa, I own nadaa...

**Xo-oX**

Sasuke's bedroom had exactly three hundred twenty-seven specs on his ceiling.

He'd counted.

Twice.

He was left staring out his window as the sandman had obviously decided to take a little break. The bastard.

After hours of watching TV with genieboy, Itachi had come in, winked, and asked if Naruto was sleeping over again.

The pervert.

At least he'd taken the blue haired chick home.

Fugaku had told them he was going to meet up with their mother and fly off for some secret merger discussions an both Sasuke and Itachi had frowned at that but said nothing.

After dinner, which Naruto and Itachi had filled with a pleasant, intelligent debate (about where the term "horny" came from), Sasuke took himself up to his room, had a shower and found Naruto lying on his bed.

They were both silent as Sasuke walked into his closet, shut the door and pulled on his pajamas.

"Today's Sunday," Naruto said cryptically, when the raven emerged.

"Congratulations, you've now mastered the first day of the week. We'll work on the other six tomorrow."

Naruto didn't rise to the bait. He stared at the ceiling till finally, he turned and said, "Are you carrying the iPod with you to school tomorrow?"

Sasuke stared at him.

Right. Monday. School.

_Hell no._

"Genies are prohibited at colleges."

Naruto snorted before letting a small smile grace his face. "I guess you'll just have to leave me here then."

With that, the blonde turned into wispy blue smoke and entered the iPod.

Sasuke paled.

If he left Naruto, he'd probably find his house turned into a Disney theme park with a free concert of _Hannah Montana_ or worse, the 'Camp Rock' guys!

No. He _couldn't _let that happen!

By the time the clock struck three, he had come to one conclusion.

He had to take Naruto with him.

Sasuke was loathe to make Naruto stay home alone figuring he probably wouldn't have a home to get back to.

**(I am a magic page break. I fart wands)**

It seemed that just as Sasuke fell asleep, some idiot was shaking him going-

"Wakey, wakey. Eggs and bakey."

He really didn't want to look at the deadman waking him.

"Naruto, go to hell."

"Only if you come with me, now get up. Your alarm already went off thirty minutes ago."

A full second later, Sasuke threw the covers, and the blonde, off him and dashed into his bathroom.

Naruto watched with amusement as Sasuke rushed out minutes later and ran into his walk-in closet.

He hurriedly, but gracefully, put on his perfectly pressed clothes and stepped out.

Naruto whistled. "You clean up nice."

Sasuke was glaring at him.

He was in black pants, a white buttoned shirt open at the top with a black cardigan and what Naruto assumed to be a school crest on the chest pocket.

Naruto stared at Sasuke's hair.

"Um...you forgot to tame that unruly shrubbery on your head and you don't have your shoes on."

Sasuke growled and Naruto got up and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Calm down."

Before Sasuke could slug him, Naruto waved his hand over Sasuke's head and at the floor.

As Sasuke wiggled his toes in his white socks, he found them in his shiny black shoes.

Risking a glance in the mirror, he found that his hair was passable.

Nodding his approval, he allowed Naruto a grudging "Thanks" before heading out and whispering instructions.

"You'll leave out the front door so Itachi can see you, then just poof back into the iPod and-"

"Good morning boys."

Naruto and Sasuke froze.

"Father?"

Fugaku was at the table with Itachi who was grinning like the Cheshire cat. Hell, the Cheshire cat would probably suggest he take it down a notch.

"Good morning," Naruto said quietly.

"Sit down, sit down. My wife left earlier. Just came in and grabbed some paperwork really. I stayed on for breakfast. Have some."

Sasuke ran a hand through his hair, missing the glare from Naruto. "Um, Naruto was actually on his way home and-"

"Nonsense. He can stay for breakfast. Lucky for you boys, the servants get back later today and Itachi can stop poisoning you."

Naruto and Sasuke sat at the table.

"I'll be leaving in a few minutes dad," Sasuke stated. "I'm going back to college, remember?"

Itachi nodded, "Me too."

Fugaku sighed. "Sometimes I wish you two hadn't gone off to college. Can't you stay one more day? I'm sure your mother would love to see you when she-"

"I can only stay till noon. I don't have any classes today but I still have to get back."

Fugaku nodded before turning back to the table.

"Well? Eat up."

As the boys poured themselves cereal, Fugaku smiled and said, "I've got interesting news for you, Naruto."

Naruto paled considerably but smiled nevertheless.

Sasuke wondered what was up with him.

"For...me...?"

"Yes... I called your father."

Naruto choked, which was quite a feat considering he hadn't eaten anything yet.

Sasuke patted his back roughly and Naruto glared at him.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes. Swallowed down the wrong end."

Sasuke snorted. "Swallowed _what_? Spit?"

This earned Sasuke another full-blown GenieGlare TM.

He ignored it and ate, wanting to know what his dad was on about.

"As I was saying..." Fugaku smiled. "Good news... I called your father."

They were quiet and expectant as Naruto paused and-

"ARE YOU _INSANE_!"

Fugaku chuckled good-naturedly while Sasuke gaped at Naruto's outburst.

Naruto, seeing this, sighed. "Sorry, I just-"

"It's alright," Fugaku nodded. "He said you were away for a while because of some family problem. We came to an interesting conclusion."

"I'm sure you did," Naruto mumbled.

"You are to stay under my care for the duration of the semester."

Naruto blanched, "_Excuse _me?"

He had to stay anyway...what with his present case...but why the duration of the semester?

"You've been enrolled into Sasuke's college."

Naruto's jaw succumbed to gravity...and Sasuke's followed suit.

"_WHAT_?"

"They're a tad bit loud, aren't they?" Fugaku directed at Itachi, who chuckled and nodded.

"Well," he said to Naruto. "Seeing as how you can't be home-schooled while you're here and your father said it would be best if you stayed here for awhile while they sort things out, it makes sense for you to go to college with Sasuke."

Naruto nodded, still in shock. "But, I was living with-"

"A friend? Yes, your father told me. He's quite funny, that man. Anyway, he said your friend's house may not be safe anymore."

Sasuke was now wondering what the hell was going on.

"And _here_?" Naruto whispered.

"No one knows you're here...and no one will know who you are at the college. Would you like to call your father and check with him first?"

Naruto shook his head quickly. "No. It's fine. I believe you."

Fugaku smiled, obviously pleased with his new ward.

"May I be excused?"

Fugaku smiled. "Of course."

Naruto went up the stairs two at a time.

He closed and locked the bathroom door, sliding down against the cold wood. His fingers idly moved to grasp the crystal hanging from his neck. It shone brightly for a moment, an eerie red that made the genie wince in pain and clutch at his heart. It passed after a moment and he took in a deep breath.

"Shit."

**(I am a ****Neji page break. Fate's a bitch.)**

Sasuke stared at the open door, where Naruto had sped through just moments before.

"Father?"

"Hmm?"

"What's going on?"

Itachi looked at Fugaku as well and the older man sighed.

"He's in trouble."

Sasuke frowned.

Of course the idiot would be in _some _kind of trouble...

"Naruto Uzumaki is a modern day genius. When he was ten, he managed to predict trade movements by simply looking at basic facts. He was quite the prodigy," Fugaku smiled wryly at his own prodigies. "Threats started being sent to his home a few years ago. His security was heightened and they thought it all blew over, until he was kidnapped, just six months after, by his bodyguard." Fugaku frowned. "After all that, just days after his safe return, an attempt on his life was made."

Sasuke stared. "Why?"

Fugaku gave him a tired look. "People will do strange things not to have a living genius who can predict stock market changes...or to have him for themselves."

Sasuke's eyes widened slightly in realization.

"I called the Dean, explained that you'd be late... Go check on Naruto and lend him something to wear. We'll have his measurements sent out later today...or you could buy him clothes when you get to school."

Sasuke nodded absently and went up to his room.

Seeing his bathroom door closed, he pounded on it.

"You had better **not **be taking a dump in there!"

Inside, Naruto almost smiled.

"Come out. You need to change."

"I don't want to go to college."

Naruto could have sworn he felt Sasuke's glare through the thick door.

It was really potent.

"Dammit Naruto! You are _not _five years old now get out here and wear something!"

"Don't wanna!"

"Arghh!"

Sasuke heard Itachi chuckle and spun round.

Itachi smirked and walked toward the bathroom door.

"Come on Naruto. If you go to college with Sasuke, you'll get to see him suffer up close..."

Sasuke snorted. "That won't work."

"Suffer...?" Naruto asked, his voice muffled.

"Yes, Naruto dear. _Suffer_."

"How?"

"Crazy fangirls, fanboys and even the grizzly basketball mascot, Pickles. They just _love _little Sasuke..."

Sasuke was twitching dangerously.

"...You can also make quick money by selling off items of his clothing on eBay."

"_Really_?"

"He has a large fanbase."

They heard a click and Naruto came out.

He smiled sweetly at Sasuke, who was suddenly wishing the blonde had _stayed _locked up...

Itachi grinned and stepped out of the room. "My work here is done..."

"Jackass."

Naruto chuckled and said, "Well, where's the uniform?"

"Uniform?"

Naruto nodded at Sasuke's outfit. "Why does your college make you wear _uniforms_ anyway?"

Sasuke scowled at him. "This isn't a uniform, you idiot."

"_Really_?" Naruto asked, incredulous. "Then what's with the crest and the preppy look?"

"You're an idiot."

"Why? Cause you're a prep?"

Sasuke went into his closet and tossed the neatly pressed items onto his bed. Button down shirt, jeans, a vest and an unwrapped pair of socks.

"I'll-"

"Sasuke?"

Sasuke turned and faced his father.

"Yes father?"

"You can go on ahead to the supermarket if you want. Itachi told me you wanted to pick a few things up for your drive and I suppose you'll need more with Naruto coming along."

"Can't Naruto go to _Itachi's _university?"

Fugaku chuckled. "Itachi's graduating. He won't have the time to help Naruto settle in."

"And I _do_?"

"He _is _in your year. I requested it."

"Oh joy."

"Itachi can drop you off at the store or you can take your car," Fugaku paused. "The Dean called and asked for Naruto's latest medical records."

"So...?"

"He has to get a full check up first."

"Oh. Um, okay. Well...I'll take my car."

There was no way in hell he was going to spend a _twenty minute _trip in a car with Itachi and his bloody sexual innuendo.

"Itachi can take Naruto for the check-up and bring him back here after," Sasuke offered.

Fugaku smiled, "That should be fine. I'll be leaving now. Have a good day."

Sasuke nodded and turned to face Naruto who was staring with unhidden distaste at the cardigan Sasuke had placed on the bed.

"Seriously, what's with the crest?"

"It's my family crest."

"Oh no. I'm going to some princess military college where families have _crests_."

"Moron."

A pause.

"Sasuke?"

"Hm?"

"Why are you...I mean, why is your dad helping me? He doesn't know me."

"He likes to fix things," Sasuke replied quietly. "I believe he thinks you're broken."

"Broken?"

Sasuke paused, then asked abruptly, "Did you use magic to predict the stock market?"

Naruto stared at him, his eyes suddenly expressionless.

"I could do that _before _I became a genie."

Sasuke was filled with a strange new emotion...empathy.

He killed it before he could start being _compassionate _and said, "When did you become a-"

"After they tried to kill me the first time..." Naruto laughed humourlessly. "It's abit flattering really...that I was important enough to assassinate..."

"Naruto..."

Naruto raised an eyebrow at him. "You seem confused."

"I am."

Naruto sighed, as if explaining quantum physics to an idiot.

"I became a genie sometime after the attempt... As you know, I can't give you any details on how exactly one becomes a genie..." Naruto frowned. "But I took over from a genie who had messed up and...the punishment was 100 years extra servitude to be served immediately. I explained it to my family and they were skeptical at first but after a few tricks-"

"_Tricks_?" Sasuke asked, mortified.

Naruto chuckled, "Nothing like what I did to you of course...but yeah, after that they believed me. I told them I had to leave for awhile and that they'd know when I returned. That was when I was thrown a 100 years into the past."

Sasuke shook his head. "But you were never going to return?"

Naruto sighed. "It's not allowed."

"But... your dad..."

Naruto smiled reflectively. "He's just helping me...making me stay here with you. If I go back, it'll be more years of servitude as punishment. He must have figured that out if he allowed your dad to help." He ran a hand through his hair. "Gosh, it feels like its been _ages_ since I last saw my family."

Sasuke looked away. "Was the punishment that bad?"

The blonde grimaced. "It taught me...that there are worse things than death."

"Why? Who punished you?"

Naruto shuddered. "A demon."

Sasuke didn't know what to make of that and said, "Can you at least just _see _your family?"

Naruto shook his head. "If I try...or if they try, I get busted."

"Why?"

"We aren't allowed to purposefully communicate with each other...by any means..."

Sasuke nodded.

Genies were messed up. Disney obviously didn't know shit.

Naruto sighed loudly. "I'm just glad I'm finally in my own time again..."

A smirk. "Missed technology, huh?"

"Saturday morning cartoons..."

The raven snorted, "Of course."

"Sasuke, your stupid car's blocking mine! Come move it!"

Sasuke turned at Itachi's voice. "I gotta go. I'll see you later."

Naruto smiled and Sasuke added as an afterthought, "No magic and...try not to do anything stupid, okay?"

"Okay."

Still doubtful but not wanting to be late, Sasuke left.

**(I am a pissed page break. I ate your cat)**

Naruto opted for jeans and a t-shirt, snorting as he tossed the cardigan aside and opted for a dark gray jumper.

Sasuke seriously had way too much black in his closet but at least he looked good in it. Naruto stared at himself in the mirror and smiled lightly.

Sure, he looked good in black but he really missed orange. He waved a hand at the jumper and it turned orange. His smile faded as he continued to stare at the mirror. A second later, the jumper turned back to gray.

Naruto shook his head. "Even now, huh?"

"OI! BLONDIE, TIME TO GO!"

The genie walked out of the room and rushed to the front door. He found Itachi waiting for him.

"You ready?"

Naruto nodded.

"Don't worry, Sasuke will be back soon."

The blonde blinked. "What?"

"You seem on edge," Itachi stated, locking the door and walking to the dark blue van.

"No," Naruto shrugged, following close behind. "I just didn't expect to be lobbied off to college today."

Itachi gave Naruto a thoughtful look and nodded. "I guess that _would _be kinda disconcerting."

They got in the car and Itachi took to the empty street like a madman.

Naruto grabbed his seatbelt and snapped it in, wondering if the afterlife was really all it was cracked up to be.

They cruised onto the highway and Itachi seemed to make a game of counting how many people he pissed off. Naruto had finally started to relax into his seat as rock blared off the radio.

"Did you see that old lady give me the finger?" Itachi shouted, affronted. "I've a good mind to go back and run her over this time."

"You almost did."

"You're right. It's not like me to miss."

Naruto chuckled as Itachi raised his hand out the window and flipped off the old lady.

"A shame really," the raven sighed. "She looked like such a sweet old lady."

"Before or after you nearly ran her over?"

"Obviously before. She must have some kind of personality disorder."

The blonde smiled. Itachi was really an interesting tosser.

He turned his gaze to the window. With Itachi's race car driving skills, the scenery was a blur and it hurt his eyes to stare. He settled for looking up ahead, where he could at least see the buildings in the distance. They were apparently using a different route than the one he and Sasuke had used to get to town the previous day on the bus.

Wait a minute.

"Why didn't Sasuke use his car yesterday?"

Itachi cocked an eyebrow at that before saying, "He doesn't like to use it too much. It was a gift."

"Well, if it was a gift, shouldn't he use it more often?"

The raven just shrugged. "Not necessarily. He wants it to last longer."

Naruto nodded, taking in Itachi's apparent discomfort with the subject.

Why the hell would he be touchy talking about a car?

The buildings in the distance were getting larger as they drew nearer and Naruto frowned.

The crystal against his chest burned lightly against his skin and he leaned back in his seat. "Is Sasuke in town too?"

Itachi nodded. "Yeah, he should be in the supermarket. It's like twenty minutes away from here."

"Here?"

"Yes," the brunette smiled as he spun the car to a screeching halt and managed to somehow park the car perfectly in front of a tall white building.

"Come on."

Naruto's heart was racing as he stepped out of the car on shaky legs.

He decided taking the bus was awesome...and less life-threatening.

He followed Itachi into the building. The receptionist smiled at Itachi and Naruto wondered if the Uchiha family had that effect on receptionists. As he caught the glances of women seated in the large room, he figured the effect must extend to women in general. Hell, even the men were staring- but with mixtures of jealousy and awe.

He looked back at Itachi who tugged at his arm and led him to the elevator.

"Dr Hagane's on the next floor."

"Family doctor?"

"Amoung other things," Itachi smirked.

Naruto leaned against the elevator wall as Itachi punched in a number and stood back.

"So... I've been curious. Where did you and Sasuke meet?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow at that, his calm expression belying the exponential freaking out he was doing.

"At the music store."

"Sounds?"

Was that what it was called?

"Uh...yeah. Sounds."

Itachi grinned. "Okay. I always thought him and Tenten would be great together..."

Naruto blinked. Who the hell was Tenten?

When Itachi glanced at him, Naruto smiled weakly.

"Uh...yeah."

"Do you-"

The elevator dinged and as the doors opened, Naruto breathed a sigh of relief. The raven seemed to put his questioning on hold as he led Naruto out into another reception, this one full of women- a few of them with children- who all stared at them shamelessly.

"Why are they staring? Are we on the wrong floor?"

Itachi chuckled and grabbed Naruto's arm and walked to the woman sitting at a desk, doing a crossword puzzle.

Another lady was already standing in front of the desk, trying to get the receptionist's attention.

"Excuse me, I'd like to-"

She didn't even glance up. "Please take a seat and the doctor will see you when he's ready."

The woman huffed impatiently. "But I've been waiting and-"

"If you prefer, you could go back downstairs and request another doctor."

The woman blushed deeply. "No...no. I'll... Wait."

Naruto blinked at that as the woman scrambled back to her seat, bumping into a few women who smirked knowingly at her.

Itachi walked up to the receptionist and she still didn't look up. "Please take a seat and-"

"I'm here for Dr. Hagane."

Startled at the male voice, she glanced up and froze, a slow blush making her way up her face as she stared at the young man in front of her.

"O-of course," she stood hurriedly. "Please follow me."

Displeased murmurs broke out and Itachi turned to face the seated women. "I'm so sorry ladies. We won't be long."

The women practically swooned at his apologetic expression, looking like he hated himself for _daring_ to go before them. They waved their hands dismissively, giving him the go-ahead.

He smiled warmly and Naruto hid a smile.

The receptionist walked past several white doors before stopping at one with a plaque that read "Dr Hagane K" on it.

She knocked once and waited a few seconds before she opened the door.

They walked into a white room splashed with colour from paintings hang up, a purple and green couch, a glass coffee table with women's magazines and manga comics.

Naruto peered in over Itachi's shoulder and stared.

The doctor looked up.

He had tan skin and intelligent brown eyes. A small bandage was over the upper part of his nose, close to his eyes. The shocking thing about him though, was his wild brown hair. He was more handsome than gorgeous and he definitely _oozed _charm. Naruto figured out why all the women seemed to want to live on this floor.

The doctor smiled when he saw Itachi and and Naruto behind his receptionist, his relief obvious. The woman excused herself and left, shutting he door behind her.

"Good morning Itachi," he smiled over his cup of coffee, putting his pen down. "I thought you might be one of the vultures waiting outside."

"You mean the vultures who pay for your house and car?"

Dr Hagane sighed. "Yes, those vultures. If I didn't love my Ferrari so much, I'd quit...or become a 'male-only' doc or something."

"You have more women fans."

The doctor shrugged. "I have yet to figure out why..."

Naruto was still standing behind Itachi.

"So, who do we have here?"

Itachi stepped aside, amused at how Naruto obviously had to restrain himself to keep from outrightly ducking right back behind Itachi like a scared toddler.

"I'm Naruto," he said quietly.

The doctor grinned. "We are kindred spirits...our hair is wild and untamed, uncontrollable in its need for chaotic harmony, a contradiction in life's-"

Itachi cleared his throat just when Dr Hagane's eyes shone brightly with passion for their unruly tresses.

Dr Hagane sighed. "Er...sorry." He stepped forward and shook Naruto's hand. "I'm Dr Hagane but you can call me Kotetsu."

Naruto nodded.

"He doesn't say much, does he?"

This was directed at Itachi who simply chuckled and said, "I think he's scared of hospitals...or doctors."

Naruto winced at that understatement. Doctors _terrified_ him...almost more than the hospitals that housed them. In fact they were on almost equal levels of terror.

"Hey come on, I don't bite."

Naruto's eyes glazed over.

_**I don't bite.**_

"Naruto?"

The blonde blinked and shook his head to get rid of the memories that decided to return at the present inopportune moment.

He smiled warily at Kotetsu. "Sorry, its not doctors," he whispered. "I don't like jabs."

Kotetsu chuckled. "Okay, good. I can't promise you a lack of jabs but I _can _assure you, you'll live through this check-up."

Naruto nodded, starting to ease up.

"Now...if you'd just sit right here..."

Itachi sat on the green couch and Naruto got onto the examination table, glad the raven wasn't leaving and even more happy that the doctor wasn't asking him to.

He shut his eyes as the doctor asked him standard questions.

This wasn't so bad.

**(I am an awesome page break. Bow before me)**

Sasuke sighed as he stared at the items on the shelf.

_No...no, I won't!_

The items stared back at him, taunting him.

"I will not buy you."

**Oh really?** They seemed to say. **Then why are you here arguing with us?**

"You aren't healthy."

**But that's what's so good about us.**

_I don't even enjoy you!_

**Yeah well, you're not getting us for ****you****.**

Sasuke growled as he realised he was quickly losing an imaginary verbal battle between himself and a shelf full of ramen.

Sighing in displeasure, he grabbed a lot of them and tossed them into the trolley.

He then hurried to put in tons of pasta and have an alibi ready for the ramen: "I was just throwing pasta in and have no idea how _that_ got in... I guess it must have been on the same shelf. Stupid supermarket."

If the genie accused him of being _nice_, he would deny it to his dying breath...or just kill the blonde. Yeah, that worked too.

Almost as soon as he thought that, he scowled, thinking about the assassination attempts on the blonde's life.

Sasuke didn't realize he was scowling till an attendant came up to him and asked if there was something wrong with the shelf's arrangement of dried mango.

Sasuke rolled his eyes at that and walked away, leaving a puzzled attendant.

His large trolley was almost full and he walked to the snack area, grabbing chips, sodas, pretzels and sweets.

Yup, he was all set.

**(I am a prison page break. Don't drop the soap)**

Itachi watched Naruto curiously as Kotetsu examined him. The blonde had started to laugh when the doctor had pressed the stethoscope to his chest. Apparently he was ticklish.

Naruto could feel the raven's eyes on him. Hell, he could almost hear the questions barreling toward him.

He didn't want to get in trouble, and Itachi being suspicious of him was definitely trouble. The blonde blew a strand of hair from his forehead as Kotetsu started to tell him about his favourite manga, being perfectly unprofessional in pinching Naruto when the blonde told him his favourite manga was utter crap.

Itachi chuckled as Naruto glared at Kotetsu who decided to whistle innocently while the blonde rubbed at his sore upper arm.

"I _will _sue you."

Kotetsu snorted. "Please, one word from me and you'd be mauled before you even left the building."

"You're a horrible person."

"I also kick puppies and hunt endangered animals."

Naruto rolled his eyes at that and sighed when Kotetsu said his immune system was in tip-top shape.

Naruto and Itachi took the papers he handed them and walked out. Kotetsu smiled warmly as the door shut. "Namikaze Uzumaki Naruto..."

He chuckled softly to himself as he set the medical records aside.

"It's been awhile..."

**(I am a chicken page break. I cross roads)**

Sasuke pulled up to the curb, seeing that Naruto and Itachi had just arrived too. It suddenly occurred to him that maybe leaving Itachi with the genie wasn't such a good idea. What would happen if his brother decided to ask questions? What the hell would genieboy say?

Sasuke sighed as he locked up his car. They'd better get their stories straight.

But the difficult part would come when they got to school that evening. Itachi wouldn't be a problem...he hoped.

Itachi waved him over and the younger brunette stared. Naruto was actually _not_ saying anything. In fact, the blonde looked quite troubled.

Itachi said something to Naruto and he looked up, apparently just noticing Sasuke. Naruto laughed loudly as Itachi continued to talk.

Sasuke sighed. A laughing Naruto was better than a thinking one. Who knew what sexual things he'd be thinking about at his expense? Even though the blonde hadn't tried anything since their first meeting, Sasuke was filled with foreboding, his brain being under the impression that Naruto was probably planning something drastic.

"Hey little brother," Itachi smiled as he locked up his car, holding a file.

Sasuke nodded at him before turning to face Naruto who just smiled.

"What's so funny?"

Naruto shook his head, deciding to change the subject. "Are you guys leaving today?"

"_We _are. You're coming with me."

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry, I guess I forgot."

Itachi stretched, yawning loudly. "So, Sasuke. Did you get my stuff?"

The younger raven nodded. "It's all in the car. Your stuff's at the back."

He handed Itachi the keys and Naruto stood there, debating whether to follow Sasuke who was entering the house or help Itachi get his stuff out the the black BMW.

He could totally understand Sasuke's psychotic desire to take care of his car. It was a beautiful car and Naruto wanted to run over to it and kiss his way down the metal. Alas, he didn't think Sasuke would appreciate the gesture.

"Go on in," Itachi said from the boot of Sasuke's car. "I'll be there in a minute. Just taking these over to my van."

"Don't you need any help?"

"No and I'd appreciate if you didn't challenge my masculinity by offering to help me carry my groceries."

Naruto chuckled and walked off into the house.

Itachi smiled as he watched the boy leave. The blonde was definitely something else.

Inside, Sasuke was going through the fridge, grabbing the makings of a sandwich while Naruto watched, seated at the table.

The raven set three plates and got to work, failing to hide a smirk when Naruto scowled at the vegetables he placed onto the counter.

"Scared of vegetables?"

Naruto turned his scowl onto Sasuke. "Screw you. I just think vegetables are for rabbits...and goats."

The raven rolled his eyes at that, mumbling a soft "Idiot." as he placed the cheese onto the slices of bread he'd laid out on a tray.

Itachi drifted into the room with a slightly dazed look on his face.

Sasuke and Naruto shared a look and enjoyed a telepathic moment where Sasuke sent the thought: '_Keep your mouth shut and don't ask. We don't wanna know.'_

Naruto nodded, understanding completely. "Why so chipper Itachi?"

Sasuke glared at the blonde whose face was suddenly a picture of innocence.

"I'm in love!" Itachi exclaimed dreamily.

"Bullshit."

Naruto and Itachi both shot Sasuke threatening glares.

Sasuke sighed and said in a high pitched girlie voice, "Aww! _Love! _Really?"

"Yeah," Itachi smiled, deciding to ignore his brother's jab at his manhood.

"With that blue-haired chick?" Naruto asked.

The older raven blinked. "_Blue_...? Who? Oh, you mean _Konan_?"

The blonde nodded.

"Gosh no!" Itachi snickered. "That was _ages _ago!"

"That was _yesterday_," Sasuke stated, slicing up a tomato.

"Whatever," the older boy snorted. "I'm telling you I've found _the one!_"

"What's her name?"

"I didn't ask."

Naruto gaped while Sasuke took out ham, used to his brother's idiocy. "She gave you a blowjob, didn't she?"

"And what an _amazing _one it was!"

Naruto looked confused. "Today?"

"Yeah."

"But, you were with me the whole time..."

"Not the _whole _time."

"Yeah but... The only time I _wasn't _with you was when I came in here with Sasuke...but that's just been like two minutes, tops."

Itachi grinned slowly.

Naruto looked suitably impressed. "_Where_?"

"My van...or as I like to call it, the _lurve machine_."

"You don't call it that."

Itachi sighed deeply. "You can't just let it be, huh Sasuke?"

Before Sasuke could reply, Naruto said in breathless awe, "She must be a blowjob _goddess_."

"I seriously doubt deity responsibilities go that far...or that low," Sasuke stated dryly.

Itachi glared at his brother. "You know, you could at least _pretend_ to be happy for me."

"I am."

"You're genuinely happy for me?"

"I'm pretending to be."

"Thanks little brother... But you don't actually _look _happy."

Sasuke put the knife down. "This _is_ my happy face."

"No is not."

"Okay, you got me. This is actually my _'I don't give a damn' _face, sometimes mistaken for my '_I think you're an idiot'_ face, though in this case, I'll allow that there's probably abit of them both in there."

After a few seconds of silence, Itachi smirked. "That's the longest sentence I've ever heard you say."

Cue Sasuke's twitching vein.

"I love her."

"That wasn't even a one night stand," Sasuke declared. "It's almost one in the afternoon _and_ I doubt it took long enough to even warrant a small amount of respect for her as a person..._or _her as a sexual exploit."

The older brother simply stared before turning back to Naruto. "Anyway, this girl...she's _changed_ me... I just _know_ it's love."

"How?" the blonde asked, amused.

"Well," he stared at the ceiling in the semblance of looking contemplative. "I wanna buy her chocolates, hold her hand in public, call her late at night-"

"Make promises you don't intend to keep."

"_Exactly_," Itachi beamed at Sasuke. "So you _do_ know what love's all about."

Sasuke would have snorted but Naruto beat him to it.

"Yeah right. Has Sasuke _ever_ been in love?"

"Well...he _had_ a girlfriend last year."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he did. Really."

"I'm still in the room," Sasuke pointed out.

"Quiet Sassy, grown ups are talking."

Sasuke scowled and added extra black pepper to Itachi's sandwich.

"What happened?" The blonde asked, enthralled.

Sasuke answered the question himself. "She wanted space."

"And?"

"I'm not an astronaut."

"Callous bastard."

"Hmm...she called me that too."

"She did?"

Sasuke placed two plates in front of them and took a bite from his own triple-decker sandwich as he walked out. "Hn."

As Naruto stared after him, Itachi said in a serious tone, "Give him time. I think he's warming up to you."

"Well, as unlikely as that is, I don't _want_ him to warm up to me."

"Why not?"

Naruto just shrugged.

Itachi's lips quirked as he ruffled the blonde's hair and stood. "We'll be leaving in thirty so I'll go let Sasuke know he should pack up."

Itachi took his plate and walked out, leaving Naruto alone.

Naruto frowned as he took a shallow bite out of his sandwich.

_Warming up to me...? Not on purpose._

Naruto picked up his plate and followed the brothers into the TV room. The TV volume was low but Sasuke was watching racing while Itachi poked him.

Poke.

"Go pack."

Twitch.

"Lemme alone Itachi."

Poke.

"No, finish your sandwich and go pack."

Twitch twitch.

"If you'd let me just eat the damn thing, I would!"

"But I-"

"Dammit man! Fine!"

Sasuke grabbed his plate and went up the stairs, leaving behind a smirking Itachi.

"I love being older."

Naruto chuckled.

"NARUTO!"

Naruto blinked. He coulda _sworn_ he'd heard Sasuke shouting his name...in _anger_?

"I suggest you go see what's wrong...before he gets angry."

Naruto looked incredulous. "He's not angry _now_?"

Itachi snorted. "Trust me. When he's angry, you'll know."

Naruto nodded, eating his sandwich hurriedly just in case Itachi was wrong and it was his last meal.

"_NARUTO_!"

Naruto rushed up the stairs and froze at Sasuke's door before taking in a deep breath and stepping inside.

Sasuke was facing his open closet, his sandwich on the bed next to his suitcase. Naruto sat by the plate, deciding it would be his first line of defense if Sasuke got violent.

"Um...Naruto?"

"Yes?"

"Why is there a goat in my room?"

Naruto sprang up and followed Sasuke's gaze into the closet.

There was a black goat with a patch of white fur around its left eye, staring at them.

Naruto's eyes narrowed.

"_You_."

The goat snorted but maintained eye contact with Naruto.

They seemed to be glaring at each other.

As Sasuke watched this shocking display of...whatever this was...he noticed a meat cleaver suddenly appear in Naruto's hand.

"WHOA! Don't kill it in my _room_!"

"It _has _to _**die**_!" Naruto shouted, seeming hysterical.

"It's just a goat!"

"NO, IT _ISN'T_!"

As if to prove Naruto's point, the goat ran past them with speed a goat really shouldn't be able to accomplish, and jumped out the window.

The boys rushed to the window and stared down.

The goat was down, unhurt, looking up at them.

Without another word, or even a word at all, it left.

Naruto groaned and flopped onto Sasuke's bed.

Sasuke was staring out the window at the goat that had just vanished in a puff of smoke.

"What the hell just happened?"

Naruto put a hand to his face.

"My Seer has arrived."

**Xo-oX**

**A/N: hello all you lovely people...**

**Next chapter: Magic is awesome, like roadtrips.**

**For pictures of Sasuke in an Easter bunny costume, press 1.**

**For a fat free burger with fries that ****aren't ****made of tofu, press 2.**

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**For 'why the hell aren't the above buttons working?', click the review button and leave a message.**


	4. magic is fun, like miniroadtrips

A Kind Of Magic 4

Xx-xx-xx

**A/N: While I was boasting about updating five fics, this one apparently ****REFUSED** **to be uploaded. Hopefully it will work now.**

**Also, I have a **_**terrible**_ **tooth abscess. If I never update again, well...goodbye. (It was funny reading: "...death has also been known to occur..." and going, "Aw crap. My unfinished fics...")**

X-x-x

**Chapter 4: Magic is awesome, like school**

x-x

Sasuke was still gaping at the window when Naruto reached out and poked him.

"He's gone, you know."

The brunet turned to him, looking incredulous. "There was a _goat _in my _room_."

"Yes."

"And it jumped out my _window_."

"Yes."

"And it _vanished_."

"Uh huh."

"How is _that _your Seer?"

Naruto sighed glumly but didn't answer.

Sasuke was silent a moment before he finally composed himself and walked back to his bed.

"Yeah," he muttered. "Cause you know, I can totally see how a goat could get us to have sex."

Naruto rolled his eyes at Sasuke while the other boy finished packing in silence, deciding not to ask about the goat until he was comfortable with thinking about a goat and sex all in one thought.

He probably never would be.

He went with the obvious course of action- denial- and continued to pack, putting sex-inducing goats out of his mind.

**(I am a sheep page break. Baa.)**

The drive to the university was long and boring and filled with incessant monkey chatter- courtesy of a blond monkey.

How the hell the universe had decided to grant a hyper idiot like Naruto powers was beyond Sasuke.

He was just getting used to the fact that he'd been dumped with a perverted genie whose purpose was to grant sexual wishes and now it turned out the genie's Seer happened to be a goat.

A goat apparently knowledgeable in the many ways of man-sex. And vastly perverted, if Naruto was to be believed.

Sasuke sighed. He was tired and with Naruto practically talking his ear off, singing along with the radio off-key and waving at Itachi, who was in the car trailing theirs, he was ready to run over the first cute furry animal that even _dared _to try cross the road.

Then he'd turn the car around and run it over again just to be sure.

No one liked lumpy road-kill after all. It was like proof of a half-assed job.

Itachi had insisted that he'd take the same route as Sasuke to his own university this time, and was passing the time by calling Naruto using the car phone and talking about stuff they passed, like trees and clouds, something Sasuke knew was just to piss him off further.

Hell, if it wasn't for the fact that Sasuke had given his word that he would somehow make sure Naruto's stay with him not include near death experiences, he would have already tossed the bugger out of his speeding car and onto oncoming traffic.

Yes, he was _that _frustrated.

Itachi knew Sasuke's car phone only had loud speaker settings for safety purposes and the fool kept calling.

"Slow down, Sasuke."

Sasuke gritted his teeth, willing himself to breathe slowly: _in and out, in and out, in and-_

"Not _that _slow... I think I just saw evolution overtake you."

_-out, in and out, in and out, in and-_

"So have you guys thought about car sex?"

It was really only because he was used to Itachi's blunt stupidity that he didn't swerve into a giant truck and put himself out of his misery.

That and the fact that Naruto had, for some reason, gone quiet in the last five minutes.

They'd been driving for nearly two hours and Sasuke had questioned the wisdom of purchasing candy as Naruto would have put the sugar-high toddlers to shame. Now, however, the blond seemed to have succumbed to sugar shock and was fast asleep, his cheek resting slightly against the headrest as if he'd fallen asleep talking to Sasuke.

There was a slight smile on his lips and Sasuke glanced quickly away from him, banishing daft words that sprung to mind like cute, attractive and adorable that had no business being in his vocabulary anyway.

"Is he asleep?"

Sasuke almost nodded at the phone before he offered a brief _Hn _to Itachi.

"He's amazing, isn't he?"

"_Really_?" Sasuke commented dryly. "What amazing feats has he performed to merit such praise?"

Itachi chuckled. "Well, he's managed to stay by your side a full twenty-four hours and not cry, die or take an abysmal liking to black."

"What's wrong with black?" Sasuke asked, offended.

"Calm down, little brother, I'm not insulting the emo flag colours. I'm merely pointing out that you're always whining about not having real friends and almost overnight, one drops onto your bed, like a gift from the libido gods."

"I do not _whine_. Also, I believe that gift is called Viagra and happens to be blue not blond."

"You realize you have a nasty habit of picking out the unimportant bits of a conversation, don't you?"

"I do not have nasty habits. And I have friends."

"You have Shikamaru who is as good as an imaginary friend. In fact, an imaginary friend would probably do more. And let's not forget the few other people who tolerate your brooding," Itachi sighed over the line. "Stop at Transverse. We should get something to eat."

Sasuke grunted as Itachi finally hung up.

They soon arrived at the restaurant and Naruto, sensing food, was awake in seconds, rushing for a table and ordering their best ramen.

Sasuke watched, amused, as the waiter explained that they were a five star restaurant and as such, did not _do _ramen.

Needless to say Naruto was pretty miffed about that and settled for a five star pizza, smirking when the waiter seemed to take his ordering of normal food as a personal insult instead of one to the establishment.

Itachi was surprisingly pleasant during the meal, only embarrassing Sasuke once when he asked the waitress how shaggable he thought Sasuke was, on a scale of 1 to 10.

The waitress blushed, cleared their table and escaped, leaving Naruto laughing at Sasuke's expense.

"I think that was a _two_," Naruto suggested, eyes shining with amusement.

Sasuke snorted, "You can count to two?"

Naruto grinned, "If you're super nice, I'll teach you so you can learn it, too."

Itachi hid a smile as Sasuke rolled his eyes and decided to ignore Naruto.

Itachi had never seen anyone get to his brother so easily. Hell, if not for his usual grunts, shape-shifting eyebrows and general aura of emo-ness, Itachi would have never known that Sasuke was a living, breathing human being. In fact, he still had his doubts.

They talked as they ate dessert with Itachi asking Naruto questions about his childhood and Naruto answering with ease. Sasuke watched the blond as he talked. His eyes were as expressive as his hands, lighting up with humour when he was about to lay down the punch line and bright when he was talking about his parents.

"My mom's awesome. Well, she has to be to have birthed _me_. But the woman is nosey as hell. She was always looking through my stuff and acting shocked when I caught her. She once replied to this letter from a girl I had the biggest crush on and told her point blank that she wasn't good enough for me and should stay away from me. I remember the girl throwing play dough at me."

"Play dough?" Itachi asked, amused.

Naruto nodded. "It was kindergarten."

"Really? A toddler attacked you with play dough?"

"Er...the teacher actually."

"You're kidding."

"What can I say? I was a sexy kid."

He received a blank look and relented. "Okay, okay. The letter was from a _toddler _but my mom replied and sent it to the school for a Miss Susie Jones which happened to be my teacher's name as well as the little girl's."

"So she _attacked _you?"

"She made it look like an accident," the blond explained pleasantly. "And then she transferred. I swear she seemed really upset about not being able to be with me."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at that. "How did a kindergartner even manage to write a letter?"

Naruto grinned. "Well, it was mostly pictures of her and some blond kid in front of flowers, hearts and rainbows. I suppose my mother paraphrased the parts about her undying love for me. It was weird how many kindergarten teachers transferred from that school after I started there."

"Yeah," Sasuke rolled his eyes. "_Weird_."

A waitress came by then to collect their bowls and she winked at Sasuke as she walked away.

Naruto frowned briefly at her and absently massaged his chest where his crystal rested hotly against his skin.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Itachi asked abruptly.

Naruto blinked at him. "Er...no?"

"Boyfriend?"

"No," Naruto said, smiling warily.

Itachi apparently took that for what it was and flirted shamelessly with the waitress when she came back to give them the bill.

Sasuke asked Naruto if he was ready to go and Naruto paused before nodding.

Sasuke saw the hesitation and wondered briefly what it was about. He'd been with Naruto for less than three days so he could hardly say he knew the guy, let alone his read his emotions or his actions. It wasn't even like Naruto was an open book.

The genie had too much of a mysterious air to actually be open about anything.

He seemed wary of every question Sasuke asked while answering all of Itachi's freely. It irked Sasuke and he found himself wondering why the stupid blond didn't just switch over to trying to rape Itachi and just get it over with.

By their cars, Itachi nodded at Sasuke and ruffled Naruto's hair. "I take the left turn at the next junction. I'll come visit you guys soon."

Sasuke muttered something about not needing a babysitter while Naruto saluted Itachi.

They drove away and waved when Itachi went off the highway.

"Why couldn't you two go to the same university?" Naruto asked, folding his arms. "He's fun."

"You're more than welcome to magic yourself over to him," Sasuke said, gritting his teeth.

This prompted a grin from Naruto who decided to start poking Sasuke and asking if he was jealous.

Sasuke hoped all this not-killing-the-blond-genie business would get him into Heaven.

**(I am a Barbie page break. Accessories not included)**

Naruto looked wide-eyed at the campus grounds.

They were _enormous_.

Students were moving around; driving, walking and a few of them, being of the nerdy persuasion, were on segways looking silly.

Sasuke watched Naruto take everything in and hid an amused smile.

After a hundred years trapped and in servitude to demons, perverts and goats, Naruto deserved alittle normality, no matter how abnormal he was himself.

Sasuke drove toward the administration building and parked. Dozens of students had already stopped to stare, like he was some kind of scientifically developed zoo animal, created for maximum cuteness.

Swallowing the urge to turn the car back on and run a few of them over, he opened his door and said gruffly, "Come on, lets go."

Naruto didn't move.

Sasuke shot him an impatient glance and stilled when he saw the blond looking pale and taking slow, laboured breaths.

"Hey, are you alright?"

Naruto didn't answer. His eyes were fixed on the crowd of students watching them. He was panicking.

Sasuke shut his door and sat back in, grabbing Naruto's elbow lightly.

"What's wrong?"

Naruto flinched at the touch and turned to Sasuke, looking scared.

Sasuke frowned at that. Did Naruto think he'd hurt him?

"I can't."

Sasuke almost missed the softly spoken words.

"You can't do _what_, Naruto?"

At the sound of his name, the blue eyes cleared somewhat and he glanced at Sasuke with relief.

"It's...It's been a long time since I've seen this many people. Especially people my own age. It's just a lot to take in."

Sasuke suddenly understood and his grip on Naruto's elbow loosened and turned gentle. Unconsciously, he rubbed his thumb over Naruto's skin. The boy was scared. Sasuke was loathe to ask why but he figured a hundred years of servitude under a demon with a goat as your boss couldn't have been pleasant. And being a sex genie...well, there must have been quite a few things Naruto must not have willingly done.

The blond shivered at the touch and stared into Sasuke's eyes, apprehension written clearly on his face.

"You'll be alright here," Sasuke said uncomfortably, looking away from the other boy. "No one will hurt you or make you do anything you don't what to."

Naruto snorted at that.

Sasuke's sharp gaze was on him in an instant. "As long as I have a say in it, nothing will happen to you."

"That's just it," Naruto said with a pained smile on his face. "You _don't _have a say in it."

Before Sasuke could retort, Naruto eased stealthily out of his grip and got out of the car. There were several gasps and students started to whisper immediately.

Sasuke was at his side a moment later, glaring at the other students who'd broken out the hushed murmurs.

"They seem to be doing a lot more staring than usual," Sasuke muttered.

"They're staring at me," Naruto said plainly. "I'm famous."

It was said without pride or arrogance and Sasuke could relate. He'd almost forgotten that Naruto was supposed to be some sort of prodigy.

"Why didn't you remind me?" He hissed. "We could have hidden you. The demon-"

"My situation is a magical one," Naruto said steadily. "Whether I have the popularity of a rock star is irrelevant. The demon knows where I am at all times." Naruto shrugged. "I'm safer with you anyway."

At Sasuke's questioning gaze, Naruto gave him a small smile.

"Your dad already talked to my family so they'll be sure to not come here or try to speak to me. Besides, I enjoy being out of a confined space, with no expectations. At least for a little while."

Sasuke rolled his eyes at that. "I'm not going to have sex with you."

Naruto shrugged at that as if to say that that was just another thing Sasuke didn't have a say in.

A few students had started to take pictures and Naruto smiled at them, winking mischievously. Sasuke snorted and locked his car before leading Naruto into the building.

**(I am a teen page break. Nobody understands me!)**

Tsunade was in quite a pickle.

Standing before her was the Uchiha and his new charge apparently, the Namikaze kid.

Underneath her desk was the shot she desperately needed to not toss the blond, who was staring at her with a wide grin on his face, out her window.

"Hi granny," Naruto beamed.

_Ah, screw it._

Tsunade drank the shot, unashamed, grimaced and glared at Naruto.

"Been a while, brat. Call me granny again and I'll see to it that it's the last thing you ever do."

"Promises, promises..."

"I promised myself I'd never see you again thirteen years ago," Tsunade muttered.

"Aw," Naruto chuckled. "You've been keeping count."

Tsunade swore under her breath.

Sasuke looked at both of them as if trying to decide whether he gave enough of a damn to ask what they hell they were going on about.

He didn't.

The boys were standing in the dean's office, waiting for the irritated woman to calm down. Tsunade had apparently tried to knock Naruto out with a heavy file the moment she'd recognised him.

Her office was surprisingly neat for someone as lazy and alcohol-obsessed as her but Sasuke knew a great deal of that was probably due to her secretary, Shizune.

"I thought teaching kindergarten was your life calling," Naruto said to Tsunade, amusement clear in his voice.

"You made me hate all those snot-nosed little cretins," Tsunade smiled grimly. "So I decided I'd make their lives miserable when they grew up, if they bothered getting into college."

Naruto nodded pleasantly and Sasuke sighed.

"Dean, we need his class schedule and room assignment."

Tsunade stared at Sasuke. He hadn't been rude _exactly_, so she couldn't expel him on a whim. And he'd thrown more than his fair share of irritated glances at Naruto.

He would be a good ally to have in the event that she decided to get back at Naruto for all the pranks he'd pulled on her when she'd been his kindergarten teacher.

With the incentive of having Naruto out of her office, Tsunade made all the necessary calls in under five minutes, printed Naruto's schedule, assigned a room and even opened the door for him, only barely resisting the temptation to give his ass a swift kick on his way out.

**(I am a German shepherd page break. I'm a mean mofo)**

The drive to the hostels was a short one. While the hostels claimed to be "co-ed", there were different floors for males and females.

Sasuke noticed he and Naruto were on the same floor. It figured.

Most guys on that floor were second years and apparently, Naruto came highly recommended because he was also registered as a second year student. Either that or Tsunade wanted him to graduate as soon as possible and get him out of her hair. If she'd had her way, Naruto would have probably been placed as a fifth year.

Sasuke was interested in the fact that Naruto had registered for the vet classes but he didn't pry. If Naruto wanted to spend the rest of his life dealing with animals, that was his business.

That was, unless Naruto thought that, seeing as how he didn't exactly _have _a life that wasn't involving magical sex, he could muck about in school.

"You _are _taking this thing seriously, aren't you?" Sasuke demanded.

Naruto saw him glance at his registration papers and nodded.

"I love animals. Besides, I know all about all the other courses and there's nothing new for me to learn."

"What do you mean?"

Naruto shrugged. "I didn't spend all my time locked up doing nothing. I had access to any book I wanted. I studied engineering, architecture, law, human medicine..."

At Sasuke's disbelieving look, Naruto smiled sheepishly. "I was bored. Besides, there's only so many comics one can read in a century."

"Uh huh..."

Naruto shrugged at that, not particularly caring whether Sasuke believed him or not.

They made their way passed the sparsely populated reception hall and up the stairs. The first two floors were for females only and Naruto saw quite a few of them staring as they went passed.

Sasuke took Naruto to his room first when he figured he'd have to lend the boy some of his clothes since he didn't exactly have the time to take him to the campus complex just yet.

He was somewhat annoyed by the fact that Naruto couldn't just poof some up.

"Why the hell not?" he muttered as they finally turned to their floor. Sasuke hated elevators and Naruto didn't seem to mind all the stairs.

"Any magic I use for myself is not permanent," Naruto answered irritably.

Sasuke grumbled about retarded genies and their ability to follow stupid rules and opened the door to his room. 24C.

Naruto's was right next door and Sasuke was at least comforted by that fact. It meant he would at least be close enough to the genie to ensure he didn't act like a magical retard while still having the pleasure of _not _sharing a room with him.

Naruto stared at Sasuke's room in awe.

"Most rooms are shared by a pair of students. There is an odd number of students this year since someone dropped out so you'll be rooming with Kiba. Only fourth and fifth years have single rooms," Sasuke explained. "And each room is self-contained so there's no need to go around streaking."

Naruto looked at and touched everything he could while Sasuke put down the snacks they'd brought up form the car.

Sasuke's bed was all black silk and perfectly made and his side was the room was neat and spotless. There were no posters or any items to even _suggest _that Sasuke had a personality. Except for a picture of his family on his bedside table. Upon close inspection, Naruto saw Fugaku, Itachi, Sasuke and a beautiful woman who was probably their mother. Everyone in the picture was smiling, everyone except Sasuke, who looked like he was trying really hard not to. The amused glint shone in his eyes though so the overall effect was that of a perfectly happy family. Fugaku had his hand on Itachi shoulder while the woman was practically strangling Sasuke with love from the looks of her grip.

Naruto hid his smile and noted that Sasuke was busy going through his closet and pulling out jumpers and shirts.

Naruto's face grew a considerable level of interest when he spotted the other bed, whose occupant was still on it.

A boy was sleeping soundly on his own side of the room which at least had a few posters, even if all of them looked like they were for online strategy games. He had long spiky hair done up in a messy but efficient pony tail and the expression of his face was of one so completely at peace in his dreams.

"Is he asleep?" Naruto asked incredulously.

Sasuke bit back a retort about how the boy was just meditating on the world's many injustices and sighed. "Yes. Don't wake him."

"But it's three in the afternoon!"

"Yes," Sasuke ground out. "Do _not _wake him."

"He's a vampire, isn't he?"

Sasuke held back a groan and pointed at Naruto. "You. Sit."

Naruto snorted. "I'm not a dog."

Sasuke breathed in deeply, trying to stay calm. He decided to _try _ignore Naruto. He'd pack up the clothes Naruto needed and give him his share of snacks and then go dump him on his roommate.

Sasuke knew Naruto's roommate, Kiba and knew the two would probably get on well. Too well.

Chances were they'd set the hostel on fire in a few hours.

"Are you allergic to colour or something?" Naruto asked, picking up a black shirt and grimacing at it, as if that would forcibly make it lime green or whatever other atrocious colour he favoured.

"You'll wear what I give you," Sasuke said steadily. "Until you get your own."

Naruto shrugged. "Yeah well, whatever. I'm sexy in everything."

"Good for you."

"But I'm especially sexy in nothing."

"How wonderful."

Naruto was silent a few minutes after that while Sasuke continued in his task. He didn't trust Naruto to actually be _helpful _and he couldn't risk the genie using magic while his roommate was in the room.

Briefly, Sasuke had wondered how Naruto was handling everything so well. Sure he wasn't new to technology but a hundred years was a long time to still remember what Halo 2 was...and know that it was crap compared to Halo.

Naruto had said he'd had only two other masters and while Sasuke wanted to ask when _that_ had been, who they'd been and what had happened to them afterward, he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Obviously after they used Naruto, he was imprisoned again but-

"Wanna have sex?"

"NO!"

Sasuke glared hard at the laughing boy.

He was going to have a heart attack, he just _knew _it. No one could handle being annoyed this much and survive.

"Hm, interesting," a bored-sounding voice said suddenly in a tired drawl.

Sasuke groaned and sank onto his bed, nowhere near where Naruto was perched.

His roommate was awake.

"How long have you been awake?" Sasuke asked icily.

"Long enough to hear the offer of sex," the boy sighed, sitting up and smirking. "Actually, I was awake the whole time so I also heard the bit about him being sexy in nothing."

Naruto chuckled. He could see that Sasuke's roommate and him would get along just fine.

"I'm Shikamaru," the boy said.

Naruto nodded. "Naruto."

"Visiting Sasuke? He hardly gets any visitors apart from his family."

Naruto laughed at Sasuke's irritated glance at Shikamaru. "Good to know. I'm actually starting school here."

"It's a bit late to be starting here, isn't it?" Shikamaru asked. "After all, this is our second semester."

The genie shrugged. "I suppose."

Shikamaru smiled and closed his eyes, lying back down again and feigning sleep.

Sasuke, thankfully, was done and got up, motioning for Naruto to follow him.

Sasuke used the key Tsunade had given him to open Naruto's door and nodded for him to get in.

Naruto grinned as he passed by him. "So we're neighbours huh?"

Sasuke decided not to answer that. Naruto would no doubt find something perverted to say. There was no need to encourage him.

Naruto stared at the other side of the room. The free bed was by the second window and the other bed was unmade, clothes were strewn across the floor and comic books and manga were on the desk, the bed, the floor and some were on a chair.

His room mate was apparently a slob. At least he was a cool snob.

Posters were hung up on the wall and notice board of his side of the room, all of rock groups and one of transformers.

"Your room mate should still be home," Sasuke said when he noticed Naruto staring.

"Do all second years go home for the weekend?"

Sasuke shook his head and started to help Naruto put away his things.

Well, the blond sat while Sasuke did all the work.

"Only occasionally. I head home sometimes."

"When Itachi's not there?"

"You never know with him. But yes, that's usually the plan."

Naruto smiled. "Must be nice having an older brother."

"Do you have any siblings?"

"No."

"You can have mine."

Naruto chuckled. "Did you actually make a joke?"

Sasuke hung a coat up. "No."

The blond simply grinned and stood when Sasuke made him help make his bed with Sasuke's extra beddings.

When they were done, Sasuke saw Naruto staring at the impeccably made made bed, his thoughts obviously somewhere else.

Before he could ask, the door swung open and a girl stood there, smiling at Sasuke. She had pink hair that brushed her shoulder and big green eyes. She was tall, had rosy flushed skin and a killer body.

Naruto stared, unabashed.

The girl was _hot_.

"Hey, Shikamaru told me you were back," she said, warmly, looking at Sasuke.

Sasuke gave her a questioning glance. "You _do _realise this isn't my room."

"No shit," she snorted.

"Very good," Sasuke said. "Then why didn't you knock?"

The girl shrugged, stepping into the room. "Maybe I was hoping you'd be naked."

"In someone else's room?"

"A girl can dream."

Sasuke shook his head, muttering softly to himself.

Naruto cleared his throat and Sasuke shot him an exasperated glance while the girl looked startled. She'd apparently not seen anyone but Sasuke.

Her surprise barely lasted a second and the next moment she stepped forward and offered her hand to Naruto. "Hello, I'm Sakura."

Naruto shook her hand and smiled charmingly. "Naruto."

She smiled lightly and nodded. "Nice to meet you. Are you visiting?"

Naruto shook his head. "No, I'll be starting here this semester."

"Really? This late? Are you allowed to do that?"

"Yeah."

"Will you be able to handle the workload? You'll have a lot of catching up to do."

"I'll manage. I'm brilliant."

She rolled her eyes. "If you say so."

"Sakura," Sasuke said abruptly. "Did you want something?"

"No need to be such an asshole," Naruto said, frowning at Sasuke.

Sakura gaped at that and Naruto wondered if he'd offended her sensibilities. Somehow he doubted it.

Sasuke simply sighed and ignored the genie, waiting patiently for Sakura's answer.

"Oh, er...right," She finally managed. "Kakashi asked me to get you. Shikamaru told me you were in here so..."

Sasuke nodded and walked to the door, moving passed Sakura.

"Aren't you going to kiss me goodbye?" Naruto asked mockingly.

Sasuke shot him a dark look.

"Well, pretty boy?"

Sakura stepped between them, looking incredulously at Naruto. "Sasuke, Kakashi's waiting."

Sasuke eyed Naruto, ignoring her.

"Give us a minute, Sakura."

Sakura shook her head and shrugged. "Fine. If you two want to get expelled, go right ahead. When you're done murdering each other, I'll be right outside."

She walked out the door and slammed it behind her.

"So much for my first impression," the genie groaned.

"She's hardly your concern."

"Seems like she isn't yours either," Naruto retorted.

Sasuke smirked. "She's my girlfriend."

Naruto's jaw dropped, "_What_?"

"Girlfriend. I'm sure you've heard of them."

Naruto paled. "Are you serious?"

"_Yes_," Sasuke said irritably.

"But-"

"Yes?"

"Why?" Naruto whispered, running a hand through his hair.

Sasuke took in a deep breath. "I'm going to ignore that."

He frowned when Naruto didn't say anything after that.

In fact, the genie was looking pretty shaken. His skin was suddenly extremely pale and his lips were turning blue.

Sasuke moved forward. "Are you-"

Blue eyes caught his and Naruto sprung, pinning him to the door.

Sasuke struggled immediately but didn't manage to move.

"Why didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend?" Naruto asked, his face lowered. His hair fell forward, hiding his eyes.

Sasuke could feel him trembling and felt something like sympathy.

"Naruto-"

The blond raised his head, letting Sasuke go and the brunet sucked in a breath. Blue eyes were bright with confusion and the Uchiha wondered what it was that had suddenly troubled Naruto so much. He tried to move his hand, as if to comfort Naruto but immediately caught himself.

What the hell was he thinking?

"Look," he hissed. "I didn't _want _to get stuck with some sex genie. Now you've seen I have a girlfriend, maybe you can go away and-"

"I can't do that, Sasuke," the blond said softly.

The Uchiha shivered at the way Naruto said his name, sinking back against the door. He felt his whole body relax against Naruto's and his mind went hazy.

"I need you to do this," Naruto pleaded, pressing his body closer.

Sasuke's heart pounded against his ribs and he struggled to remember what he was supposed to be doing. The door knob dug into his side and he vaguely remembered Sakura was on the other side.

He stilled and summoned all the energy he could to shove Naruto away.

Naruto stumbled back, falling to the carpeted floor, and glared at him, his blue eyes accusing.

Sasuke bristled. "Whatever you just did to me...don't you _ever _do it again," he growled. "Stay in this room until I tell you its okay to leave and do _not _do any magic."

Naruto didn't speak. He just picked himself up off the floor and walked to his dresser.

Sasuke slammed the door behind him and huffed, his hands forming fists at his sides.

Sakura looked over the brunet searchingly for a moment. "From the lack of bruises, I take it you begged for mercy accordingly."

Sasuke glared.

"Aw, come on," Sakura smiled. "The guy looks fit. He could totally take you-"

There was a loud crash in the room and Sakura worriedly started, ready to rush into the room and help. Sasuke grabbed her elbow and stopped her.

"He's just throwing a tantrum. Leave him."

Sakura looked doubtful but nodded slowly, deciding to ask Sasuke about his new friend later when he wasn't looking like he was considering starting a career as a serial killer.

Sasuke walked ahead of her and she followed. Sakura had never seen Sasuke show as much emotion as he just had to anyone who wasn't Itachi, or his parents...or the few friends who'd gained his trust after years of knowing them.

**(I am a Rizember page break. I really need to update faster)**

Naruto lay on the floor in pain, trying to keep still.

The moment Sasuke had shut the door behind him, the crystal against the blonds chest had burned. Naruto had bit his lip to keep from crying out even as he had prepared himself for the magical backlash.

He had cradled his head and curled in on himself just in time.

His whole body was thrown across the room against his roommate's dresser.

He heard a crack and felt a shear pain in his side and knew he'd broken a rib or two.

The genie lay on the carpeted floor, trying to get his breath back enough to look at the damage he'd done.

A drawer had fallen from the dresser but it was nothing he couldn't put back.

He couldn't wave it back with magic because it would count as using magic for himself and wouldn't last more than six seconds.

Also, Sasuke had ordered him not to use magic so he was as good as useless at the moment.

Naruto sighed and shut his eyes, waiting for the healing to start.

His being immortal didn't take pain away but meant he healed much faster than normal people.

His own magic had acted against him because Sasuke had rejected him.

The only reason it hadn't done that before was because he hadn't met his Seer yet... His magic was probably also ticked off by the fact that Sasuke had a girlfriend, no matter how un-boyfriend like he acted with her.

Naruto let out a small whimper when his bone moved abruptly, repairing itself.

His vision blurred as the burn the crystal had formed against his chest and his ribs were being repaired.

He reached down slowly and tentatively touched his skin. Looking down at his hand, he saw the dark red stain on them and grimaced.

His skin and ribs were already healed but the blood remained as evidence.

He'd have to clean it up.

Naruto moved to sit up but his vision wavered and he fell back down in pain.

He shut his eyes, slowly losing consciousness and wondering if his roommate would mind the blood on the carpet too much.

**(I am a fangirl page break. I squeal, therefore, I am.)**

It was a ten minute walk to the counselor's office in the Student's Court building.

Which meant ten minutes of Sakura talking endlessly.

Sasuke walked silently while Sakura tried to get responses out of him.

"You know," she said with a sigh. "Usually you at least grunt or something when I try talk your ear off."

Sasuke didn't reply.

"You're really bummed about that new guy, aren't you?"

Sasuke stopped in surprise. "I don't care about him."

"You're friends, aren't you?" Sakura asked, confused. "I know you haven't mentioned him before but-"

Sasuke shook his head. "No. We aren't anything. I'm just looking after him for awhile."

"Why?"

"As a favour to my father," Sasuke answered easily. "His father is a friend of my father's or something."

Sakura looked doubtful at that. "So you two don't get along?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Well, you could try," she suggested. "It might make things easier for you."

Sasuke looked at her blankly and then started to walk again.

Sakura sighed at the boy's stubbornness and hurried to catch up to him. "What did you argue about?"

"Nothing."

She sighed. If Sasuke wasn't going to give her answers, she'd just have to get them elsewhere.

She made sure Sasuke actually reached the counselor's door and walked in, sans knocking, before she went away.

It was common knowledge that the counselor, Kakashi, was eccentric- an adult way of saying he was weird as all hell- and as such, most students avoided him whenever possible. He always wore a mask covering his left eye and was a firm believer in sex therapy. In fact, he'd once started a war petition saying the heads of warring states should sleep with each other and get over their political sexual depravation or something.

The man must have _thrived _in the Sixties.

Kakashi had taken a special liking to Sasuke and in particular, to irritating Sasuke every chance he could get.

Sasuke sighed as he walked into the all-too-familiar room.

It was like a pimp haven.

The walls and floors all had shag carpeting and posters were put up haphazardly of naked women and men, all in some sort of compromising stance and all intertwined. Some were of orgies and others were of various forms of the karma sutra being executed by people that Sasuke thought had to be the human beings who had managed to evolve without any notable bone structures for that exact purpose.

Sasuke suspected Tsunade had gotten tired of telling Kakashi to remove his 'porn' from the walls and Kakashi had worn her down with legal and psychological blabber about how it was all art and helped the students feel comfortable with talking about their problems and seeing as how they were college students, their problems were probably all connected to sex in some way or form.

Kakashi ranged these problems into three categories; not getting any, getting too much and not getting it the way you want to get it.

For those who came with emotional issues, Kakashi suggested the last one as the source of said issue and suggested they talk to their partner about it.

For those with school-related issues, he concluded they weren't getting any and suggested they go out and look for some.

Sasuke knew Kakashi probably told the virgins the same thing.

The furniture in the office was like something one would find in the SIMS video game, labeled under 'fun'.

It was all modern and seemed to serve a purpose other than its own. The chairs seated one person and varied in colour...and looked like they might also be used as large colourful vases. Or chamber pots. With Kakashi, one never knew.

Speaking of the heathen himself, Sasuke looked around the room and sighed with relief.

Either Kakashi was in the bathroom located in his office, something Sasuke didn't really what to confirm due to past horrors, or Kakashi had stepped out for a moment. Whichever the case, Sasuke deemed this as his way to freedom and turned, determined to walk out the door and make his escape.

However, he found his path was blocked, quite appropriately, by a gray goat with a patch around it left eye.

"_You_..."

It was the same goat from that morning.

Sasuke backed away from it, not knowing the proper non-animal-cruelty way to get rid of it. He almost wished he'd let Naruto kill the damn thing.

"Hello Sasuke."

Sasuke gaped.

The goat had just..._talked_.

To him.

It had opened its mouth...

...and words had come out.

"I'm going mad," Sasuke whispered to himself. "_Please _let me be going mad."

He'd prefer it if he'd somehow cracked. It would even make sense. It had been almost what, _two _whole days with the sex-crazed genie idiot...? Anyone would go nuts so really, who could blame him?

Of course, the alternative to him being crazy was that a goat had in fact, just spoken to him.

Sasuke mentally prepared the magazines and novels he'd carry on his way to the asylum so he could-

"Oi, kid," the goat huffed. "It's rude to space out when someone is talking to you."

"Oh?" Sasuke snorted. "I'm sorry. I must not have paid attention in school to proper _goat etiquette_."

"I'll let it slide," the goat said briefly, smirking.

Sasuke _knew _it was smirking.

And it didn't look off at all.

"Anyway," the goat said, its deep teasing voice turning serious all of a sudden. "I'm here to speak to you about your genie."

"He is not _my _genie," Sasuke scowled.

"Really?" it chuckled. "Because I was pretty sure you were the one who rubbed the iPod."

"Yes but-"

"Honestly, who _does _that?" the goat asked with a leer. "Do you have an iPod fetish? Or does it extend to all Apple products? Would I be right to leave you with my iPad? Would you caress my Mac computer over there and try to load your-"

"_Your _computer?" Sasuke asked abruptly, halting the goat's obvious analysis of his supposed unholy love for iAnythings.

The goat grinned as Sasuke shook his head in complete and utter denial.

"No way."

The goat chuckled and as Sasuke watched, its body stretched and changed, turning longer into the naked form of his silver-haired, partially masked counselor.

"Kakashi," Sasuke whispered.

Kakashi winked, still on his hands and knees. "Don't tell me you haven't dreamed of me being in this very position."

Sasuke shut his eyes, "Please let me go blind. _Please _let me _unsee _that."

Kakashi chuckled and Sasuke heard him get up and heard the sound of fingers snapping.

"I'm decent," Kakashi chuckled. "Okay, not _decent _but clothed. You may look now."

Sasuke opened his eyes slowly and found Kakashi standing and smirking down at him.

"Now, to introduce myself," Kakashi offered his hand. "I'm Naruto's Seer."

Sasuke eyed the hand with distaste. "I don't know where that's been."

"On my dick," Kakashi replied easily.

"I don't know where your dick has been."

"I assure you I happen to wash my dick quite often."

"I'm still not touching that."

"_That _is called a hand."

Sasuke blinked. "And it was previously a _hoof_."

Kakashi regarded him a moment before nodding and lowering his hand. "I take it you're not into bestiality."

"I should hope not."

Sasuke was openly in shock. His counselor...was apparently a goat.

And not just any goat, a _magic _one. A Seer or whatever.

In the perverted sense of everything, he really shouldn't have been so surprised. No normal human should have been able to be _that _sex-obsessed.

If this was Naruto's Seer then the genie had been right in expressing just how perverted the goat was.

"Are you a goat or a man?" Sasuke asked abruptly.

Kakashi took a seat in the comfy chair behind his large desk and shrugged. "I can take on many forms. So I can't really remember what I originally was."

Sasuke eyed him warily and remained standing.

"We will be here a while," Kakashi said seriously. "You might want to sit down."

"Why?"

"There's a few things you should know if you're entering a magic contract with Naruto."

"I am _not _sleeping with him."

Kakashi waved his hand at that dismissively. "Please sit. Not everything I say will pertain to you having sex with Naruto. In fact, I want to start with how you treated him earlier."

Sasuke stared at him. "I didn't touch him. In fact, _he _was the one who-"

"I know what happened," Kakashi said seriously. "And the fact is, _you _don't."

The Uchiha sighed and sat down. He could run out of the room but he suspected the Seer would get to him one way or another.

Kakashi went about explaining the ways and rules of Sasuke's role as Master, eventually just giving him a verbal list of things he could and could not do. And things Kakashi suggested he shouldn't do.

"You must be careful of the things you order Naruto to do," Kakashi said steadily.

Sasuke stifled a yawn. They had been in there for almost two whole hours and Kakashi wasn't letting up.

"I didn't order him to do anything," he muttered.

"You might not realise it but you did. You told him to stay in his room."

"Yes," Sasuke said irritably. "He tried to..." he sighed. "I was angry."

"The magic sees that as an order."

"So...?"

"So Naruto can't leave the room until you say otherwise."

"Good."

Kakashi's visible eye narrowed and Sasuke quickly relented grudgingly. "Fine. Naruto can do what he wants. Happy?"

Kakashi seemed satisfied with that and said, "You see, because of that, he can now _leave _the room."

Sasuke nodded and stared out the window as Kakashi continued talking.

"The genie is obligated to do what his master wants, even when he has not yet made a wish," the counselor stated. "That includes murder, self-affliction-

"_What_?" Sasuke said, staring at Kakashi with disbelief.

"You heard me."

"Murder? Self-_affliction_? What the hell are-"

"For example, if you told him to go kill himself, he would."

Sasuke gaped. "But...aren't genies-"

"Immortal?"

He nodded.

"They are. But for that particular want, he would kill himself and come back to life but because of the nature of the want, he would keep killing himself until you say otherwise."

Sasuke paled. "That's-"

"That's magic," Kakashi shrugged. "Magic isn't good or evil. It just is. You could have Naruto solve world hunger or start a third world war, it's all up to you."

"You said something about wants and wishes..."

"Naruto is a sex genie, which means he can grant wants but all wishes must be sexual in nature before he grants wants. If he was a standard genie, the only magic he could offer you would be in form of three wishes."

"So...how come he doesn't leave when I tell him to. It's what I want."

"Because that would interfere with the you-having-sex-with-him part. Any order from you going against that, he can ignore."

"Great."

Kakashi simply smiled.

"So there are _types _of genies?" Sasuke asked warily.

Kakashi nodded with a smile. "Sex genies are the rarest of course. And sex magic happens to be pretty potent."

Sasuke opened his mouth and shut it, apparently processing too much at once. "I need time to...absorb all this."

Kakashi nodded and handed him a thick book. "There's all the information you need to know."

Sasuke stared at it before shooting a dark glare at Kakashi. "Why the hell did you keep me here all this time when you could have just given me this?"

"I always enjoy your company. You know that."

Sasuke muttered about him being a goat bastard and left.

**(I am a nerd page break. I will be rich one day)**

Naruto sighed as he saw that it was almost nine at night.

He had come to barely five minutes before and had cleaned up the blood and put the drawer back.

He still winced when he twisted alittle but decided it wasn't too bad.

Besides, it wasn't like he could die.

If he could, he would have done so ages ago.

He was infinitely grateful that his roommate hadn't yet come back. It would have been impossible to explain why he was lying in his blood but perfectly fine, unless he said it was a prank. But then, if he'd still been unconscious, he wouldn't have been _able _to explain the part about how it was all just a joke.

He felt alittle bad though. That he had still been on the ground meant that Sasuke hadn't cared enough to come check on him.

Naruto sighed.

What had he expected, honestly?

Sasuke was just another master. There was no need to assume that just cause he'd unwittingly obtained him as a genie, that he would be a pleasant change from the other masters he'd had.

Sasuke didn't want him for sex or power.

Sasuke didn't want him _at all_.

Naruto lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling and-

"I'M BACK!"

-promptly fell off his bed.

When the blond raised his head to glare at the imbecile who'd scared the crap out of him, he found himself staring at a handsome tanned boy with short unkempt brown hair and dark brown eyes. The boy grinned at him, looking sheepish.

"Oh, hey man," he said, dumping his bag on the floor by his bed and moving forward to help Naruto up. "I had forgotten about my new roommate."

Naruto blinked. "You knew about me?"

"Er, Shikamaru just told me about a minute ago."

The blond blinked. "And you already forgot?"

The guy just shrugged and chuckled, letting Naruto's hand go. "I'm awesome like that."

"Uh huh..."

"I'm Kiba, by the way. Kiba Inuzuka."

"Naruto Namikaze."

"Oh, cool," Kiba exclaimed, clapping Naruto hard on the back. "You're that stock prodigy!"

Naruto nodded, a frown forming. He really hoped Kiba wouldn't make a big deal out of-

"This is so weird!" Kiba said, laughing and jumping onto his bed. "I remember dyeing my hair last year and trying to pick up chicks by saying I was you."

"That's...creepy."

"No kidding," Kiba snorted. "But in my defense, I was having a seriously dry run."

Naruto chuckled softly. "Did it work?"

"No," he sighed. "Apparently blond wasn't my colour."

"You don't say."

Kiba grinned and reached into his bag, grabbing two packs of Oreos and tossing one to Naruto. "Eat up. Tonight, we celebrate!"

"With Oreos?"

Kiba nodded and stood, grabbing his shirt and pulling it off. "I need a shower. I need to get the scent of my mom's cooking off my clothes. I swear the woman makes us eat her food as some sort of punishment."

"She can't cook?"

"Understatement of the year," Kiba snorted, grabbing a towel. "Her food had been officially banned, on contract, from major family gatherings for the next six years after which the contract will be renewed."

Naruto grinned, warming up to his room mate. "What happens if she cooks before then?"

"She gets arrested," Kiba winked. "And spends a night in jail because none of us are willing to pay bail."

"Seriously?"

"Hell yeah. She got arrested at the family reunion last year. She was charged her with attempted murder and we only went to sort everything out and get her in the morning."

"What did she make?"

"Tea."

"She messed up tea?"

"It was the most foul-tasting muck I have ever tasted in my life," Kiba grimaced. "She really outdid herself that day."

Naruto smiled as his roommate walked into their shared bathroom and closed the door behind him.

Naruto absentmindedly turned the Oreos orange before they turned back to their dark chocolate-y colour and he sighed as the crystal stayed perfectly cool against his chest.

He had felt the magic's hold on him loosen earlier, which meant that Sasuke had somehow relented about him using magic. But that didn't stop Naruto from tentatively poking a foot out the door, leaving Kiba staring at him like he was a nut when he left the bathroom.

"What are you doing?"

"Er," Naruto smiled sheepishly. "Nothing."

"I'm starving, " Kiba said as he dressed out of sight. "Wanna go grab something to eat?"

Naruto was about to refuse when his stomach grumbled in protest. Apparently it didn't really appreciate Oreos as a meal. "Er...yeah."

Kiba nodded and walked to the door, leading the way.

They passed by a few guys who greeted them and Naruto calmly continued his conversation with Kiba.

"So, why are you starting as a second year? And in the second semester, too?"

"Cause I'm brilliant."

"Tch," Kiba snorted. "That's no reason for the special treatment."

"Yes it is."

Kiba laughed. "Mm, I suppose it is. Were you at any college before this?"

"No, I was home schooled."

"Wow. Sheltered much?"

"Yeah," Naruto said softly.

Kiba suddenly put an arm around him as they left the hostel.

"Well, that's cool. What are you studying here?"

"Veterinary medicine."

Kiba gaped. "No shit? Me, too! We'll be class mates!"

Naruto raised an eyebrow at that even as Kiba started to explain just how awesome they would be together.

They got to the campus complex and Kiba pointed at all the stores he thought were the best, which were mostly gaming stores.

He took Naruto to a restaurant called Fayre and ordered their largest pizza and two sodas.

While they waited for their food, Kiba spotted a girl who'd just ordered and waved her over, shouting loud enough to gain attention from the other customers.

The girl walked toward them, not looking the least bit embarrassed at Kiba's complete lack of class.

She had long dark hair that was tied up and large pale gray eyes. She smiled at Naruto and smacked Kiba hard across the back of his head.

"Next time, I'll pretend I don't know you."

Kiba winked at Naruto, mouthing, "She's playing hard to get."

Naruto held back a smile as the girl turned to him. "Hi there. I've haven't seen you around."

"I just started here."

The girl didn't ask why or how, instead she nodded and pulled out a chair, sitting by them and staring intently at Naruto like she was trying to figure him out. "Good for you. I'm Hinata, by the way."

"Naruto."

"Are you a model?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow at that even as Kiba grinned and said, "She asked me the same thing."

"No I didn't."

"Way to raise my self-esteem," Kiba sighed.

Hinata snorted. "You have a big enough ego as it is." She turned back to Naruto. "So...modeling?"

Naruto shook his head even as she studied him.

"What are you studying here?" he asked when he started to get uncomfortable with the silence, especially seeing as how Kiba was apparently sulking.

"I'm pre-med," she smiled warmly. "And right now, I am successfully not doing my assignment."

"Assignment?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "Me and my partner are supposed to take care of a virtual sick person."

"What?"

"It's like a virtual pet but programmed so it's an old man who has a cold."

"And...how's that working out?"

The girl leaned back in her seat. "The guy kicked the bucket with a mighty cough."

"When?" Kiba asked.

"Half an hour after we got him."

"Er...my condolences?" Naruto offered.

"I expected it," she shrugged.

"Who didn't?" Kiba smirked. "You and Shikamaru are the laziest med students the world has ever seen."

Hinata opened her mouth and then nodded. "True, but maybe we'd care more if they offered an actual living thing."

"Yeah, right," Kiba scoffed. "I remember having to rescue that rabbit you two were supposed to be looking after last month."

"It was a rabbit," Hinata deadpanned. "Do we _look _like Vet students?"

"What do vet students _look _like?" Kiba asked darkly. "Did we somehow grow tails?"

"You might as well for all the animal hugging you saps do."

"We do not _hug _animals!"

"Not in public."

"Are you trying to say we have some kind of _animal fetish_?"

"_You _said that," Hinata smirked. "And I'm glad you're finally out of Mr. Tumnus' closet."

While Kiba sputtered, Naruto held back a light smile. He could see Hinata was really enjoying riling the other boy up.

"At least we can take care of one small rabbit without conditioning it for cannibalism."

"We didn't do that," Hinata laughed.

"You fed it meat!"

"It was veal," she replied easily.

"Oh, _baby meat_. That makes it _alright_?"

"Well yeah, it's not like we were trying to make it a killer bunny or anything," she mumbled, before directing a question at Naruto. "So what will _you _be studying?"

"Vet med."

"Scared of taking _real _medicine?" she teased.

"I like to think that at no point in time will the animals sue me for malpractice."

"True," she smiled. "But they'll probably bite."

"Like people?"

"Touché."

"What do yo want to specialize in?" Naruto asked.

"General practice," Hinata answered easily, groaning with relief when a waiter finally brought their food. "Less energy and I can charge a small fortune for consultations."

"As you can see, she's in it for all the right reasons," Kiba stated drily.

As Kiba and Hinata started a new argument, this time on the evil of doctors everywhere, with Kiba using Doctor Who as an example, Naruto dug into his pizza and watched them.

He had to admit he'd missed this sort of interaction. He'd missed _people_. Especially people his own age.

The genie spotted a head of pink at the door and turned. Sakura caught his eye as she walked passed the restaurant and smiled, waving as she walked by.

He waved back and settled back into his seat, trying to back Kiba up.

**(I am a depressed page break. NOBODY LOVES ME!)**

Sasuke was feeling distinctly bored.

He'd left Kakashi's office hours ago and after the particular revelation of the counselor being a goat-man-Seer thing, he had taken a good extra hour to soak it all in.

He hadn't gone to see Naruto, figuring there was no point.

Kakashi had said Naruto was free to do as he wished as long as Sasuke allowed him to, so the Uchiha figured the genie would be out causing havoc with his permission.

It didn't help that Itachi had decided to have a phone sent over for Naruto which meant Sasuke would have to go give it to the magic menace.

He considered leaving it at the blond's door and knocking before just walking back to his room but he didn't exactly want to come off as a coward.

Even if he didn't exactly _want _to see the boy.

The door swung open and Sakura entered the room, eating a frozen yogurt.

Shikamaru barely spared Sakura a glance from his position at his laptop. He and Sasuke had discovered long ago that Sakura just wasn't born with the ability to _knock_.

Sasuke took that as his cue.

He could lie in bed all night, like a good and tired college student, or he could go give the sex genie a cell phone.

His life had certainly taken a strange turn.

He sighed as he got up, walking passed Sakura who moved to go sit on Shikamaru's bed.

He knocked on Naruto's door for a good five minutes before Sakura poked her head out of his room and said pleasantly, "If you're looking for Naruto, I saw him at Fayre with Kiba and Hinata."

Sasuke bristled, unreasonable anger growing.

There he was, unable to think of anything but the stupid genie and that blasted idiot was out enjoying himself and eating food at Sasuke's favourite restaurant.

The asshole.

"I'll be right back."

Sakura waved him off, making herself comfortable on Shikamaru's bed because Sasuke was touchy about his space.

Shikamaru stood from his desk, grabbing a jacket.

"I need food," he said when Sasuke gave him a questioning look. "I'll come with you."

Sakura stayed in their room, toying with Shikamaru's laptop and being a relatively quiet nuisance.

When they got to Fayre, Shikamaru went to order himself some food and then settled into a seat by Hinata without preamble.

Sasuke had taken the bastard route and had shot an unnecessary glare at the blond, saying through gritted teeth, "Naruto, may I have a word?"

Naruto nodded and stood while Kiba and Hinata watched.

The two walked a short distance away.

Hinata and Kiba turned to Shikamaru.

"Sasuke _knows _Naruto?" Kiba asked incredulously.

"He drove him here," Shikamaru answered.

"Sasuke, the emo, sexually-repressed bastard," Hinata clarified. "Knows Naruto, that sunny sweetheart?"

"Yes."

"Are you _sure_?"

"Their dads are friends."

"Weird."

Shikamaru hummed at that and the three of them openly watched the blond and brunet talking.

Sasuke was frowning.

He'd been talking to Naruto for a full minute and in all that time, Naruto hadn't once looked him in the eye.

"You didn't tell me your Seer was Kakashi."

Naruto made a sound that could have meant anything from '_I was sure I did_' to '_Did you know Pluto is no longer considered a planet?_'...

Irritated, Sasuke handed the blond the phone. "Itachi sent this for you."

Naruto nodded but before Sasuke could leave, he lightly tugged at his shirt.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at that and the blond took in a deep breath.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have...gone nuts like that."

Sasuke seemed surprised at the apology. After all, what was the sex genie's purpose in life if not to try rape unwilling victims.

"It's alright."

Naruto looked up at Sasuke and beamed. "I promise I won't try any sex magic on you if I can help it."

Sasuke smirked. "We'll see."

Naruto just chuckled. "Don't worry. I never go back on my word."

The Uchiha snorted.

"So...friends?" Naruto asked, hesitantly.

Sasuke sighed. "Fine."

"Best friends?"

"Don't push it."

"Aw, come on!"

"I think Shikamaru already took up the position."

"But he's so _lazy_! I could at least put some effort into it!"

"I don't need a hyper best friend, moron."

"_Please_, my awesomeness appeals to you. You probably find yourself wishing I could write you a book on how to be this amazing."

"Yes, you saw right through me."

"Excellent, I will."

"You are _such _an idiot."

Naruto made a face at him as they walked back to the table.

Hinata nudged Shikamaru as Sasuke and Naruto walked back, lost in their argument.

"Looks like the Uchiha made a new friend."

Kiba chuckled. "It's about time. No offense Shika, but you only encouraged his brooding."

Shikamaru simply gave Kiba the finger and continued stealing Kiba's fries while the boy was distracted.

And then it happened.

"Oh shit, look at _that_," Kiba whispered.

But everyone was already looking.

Sasuke Uchiha was smiling.

_Smiling_.

Not smirking, not snorting with derision, not shooting death beams out of his eyes or death farts out of his arse...

He was actually _smiling_.

And everyone in the restaurant knew that it could only mean one thing:

"WE ARE **ALL **GOING TO **DIE**!" someone screamed.

"THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US!"

"HOT GIRLS! HAVE SEX WITH ME BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!" Kiba yelled in the confusion.

Hinata smacked him and watched as everyone else in the restaurant ran out, all stampeding for the door in an effort to escape the horrors that were sure to follow what had probably just been a twitch of Sasuke's lips.

**(I am an end of chapter page break. Suck it)**

**A/N: Hi there...**

**Bye there...**

**-ss-ss-ss**

**Review Reply**

**slightlypssdbtntangryfngrl:** Heh, I _could _have put a lemon there but then I'd have had nothing for my tea. "-all that libido in the air-" LOL! I like that. Damn, two years? Damn. Okay...I apologise, greatly. Really. Like, I'm actively trying to get my lazy ass to update all my fics and FINISH them cause I have new ideas and told myself I wouldn't upload any more till I finish these *sigh* (at this rate, I may never have another story on here again). Yeah, sorry I stray so much. I'll get to either changing the summaries or making em stay on track.

**Kaila Azroth:** Er, sorry for the long wait. I know you probably have tons of great grand children now and all...hehe. Hope your ass didn't fall asleep waiting for an update.

**Reya Knight:** First, may I say how awesome it is that you're also from Africa (like, seriously...you have no idea). A year...? *checks calendar* er, my bad?

**anonymous**: HAHA, damn, I'll be apologising a lot... *sigh*

**sweetXsunshine: **Er...new chapter? Right up there.

**Cassie821:** YESSS! Another African! *starts planning African takeover for FF(dot)net...* I'll try update faster. I recently got (pummeled) struck (violently) by inspiration and will update quite a few fics today. Haha, so many Kotetsu theories? Nice. His dad knows where he is and knows he's a genie. He told his family and also warned them not to contact him. Er...rubbing iPods may be seen as sexual perversion and is generally frowned upon by the owners of said iPods.

**e313: **I haven't yet explained how Naruto became a genie but I did say he took over from another genie. He went missing a year ago (which was when he became a genie) and also when he was almost assassinated. In addition to that, he was sent back in time a 100 years and served different masters over the years. After 30 days, he would be returned to the iPod or another container until his next master finds him.

**Chynna18rawrr:** I will finish it before this year is over. I PROMISE (and I take promises seriously). It's not even supposed to be more than ten chapters *sigh*.

**nanichan72: **Not giving up on this one :3

**sunflowerluv13: **I will, no worries. Hope you still like it.

**Ashen Warrior:** Always so kind and supportive... Bastard.

**Trevor: **Tell ash to make his own account, dammit. Yes, yes you can.

anon: er...fine, fine. I will.

**Ariella007:** thanks :D

**Amerie: **Er...right. You obviously made those up but YAY!

**:** Einstein's soggy undershorts...a worthy swear phrase. Mafoosala...*happy sigh* yeah... thanks :P Haha, Tenten will be back.

**xxangelbitexx: **Goats _are _great comedians...

**sanctuary sins**: I'm glad. sorry for the wait.

**YokuMiya:** Thanks, haha...I'm on it.

**yamiPimpster: **Damn, it's been a long time... thanks.

**ReiUta: **Mmm, good button choice.

**Uchen:** Nice roundabout way of pointing out the OOC Itachi, haha! Being an older sibling of only one other sibling, I totally agree but think my evil powers need more practice *goes off to torment little sister*

**roxxihearts: **You're late/. I'm late... Let's not point fingers... *guilty shifty look*

**ark gabriel**: Thanks, I will

**chocolate-strawberry-leaf**: So many "pleases" and I FAILED YOU!

**Beloved Shadow: **Thanks so much! My page breaks aim to please :3

**Wopsidaisy: **A Seer is able to *whisper, whisper, cough, nudge, whisper* but ssshhh! don't tell the others.

**DamaHuerta:** That's great XD thanks so much.

**DistractingRAWR**: Er...push the buttons harder? Close your eyes and believe? Click yer boots and do the shuffle? One of these will definitely make the buttons work. Sure! Stalk me to your heart's content!

**joekage: **Haha, I was gonna cry...

**the Update GAWD:** Erm...so much to say...uh... Hello, gawd. Been awhile. How ya doin?

**iHasWriterBlock:** So does I. haha, yay...here's hoping you're still addicted. I do hope your ass was reattached to yer bottom. Sitting might be hard otherwise...

**shielded-WiNgS: **World domination costs extra. Didn't I say?

**fullmoonwolf950: **Er, you could find a diet coke at your nearest mall... Am jus saying...

**KatrinaEagle:** Ha...*shifty chuckle*...ha... Um, sure?

**Taututheshaman: **That's great. yet!

**Lunarious1000: T**hey work for me! The buttons are faithful!

**Vitan**: Mmm... yeah...updating... Root beer does not come free with world domination. You should know better :P

**simyy: **HI! Thanks but y'know, since then, I've finished falling for him AND updated destined! So...yay me?

**ANIMEFREAK-995: **Don't kill the goat!

**Just Miki:** You still waiting? *winces*

**narutofweak: **BUTTON KILLER! Yes, the people have sent many death threats in honour of this fic. Wow, you guessed so much right *evil chuckle* join me...

**fabulosfan: **insane? Perish the thought! Ah...Kotetsu. I'm apparently not done with him yet.

**animelove20: **"do it"? LOL! hooray for euphemisms.

**Lingo10: **Mm...aftershave...

**Aikat3rin3:** Damn, another long waiter. I'll try have the next one up next week. Or in a few days.

**mystique Monique aka Mina: **Who doesn't love evil/good Itachi? I'm glad you liked it.

**faux fire: **Emos need a lot.

**TheNaruFreak:** Damn, I will! I will!

**TooLazyToSignIn: **Yes, the elusive goat...has arrived!

**MikaUchiha: **Mmm, I will explain that XD Will do, thanks

**White-Tainted-Red; **Thank you :3 Let's hope the fic pleases you

**ss-ss-ss**

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